Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ask an Octopus

Hello everyone, I'm back with another piece of advice for some desperate individual. Hope you all are having a great week!



Dear Ollie,

My dad is always pressuring me to choose the same college he attended. My dad attended Harvard; my grandpa attended Harvard, and his father attended as well. I've got the grades and all, but I've always dreamed of attending a community college and staying at home. I've got a sweet setup here.

How do I get him off my back?

Sincerely,
College Bound in Minnesota

P. S. Any word on what happened to Earl?


Dear College Bound,

My father always pressured me to go to a certain school of fish, but I was never interested. I loved studying conflict resolution and liberal arts. I had no intention of just blindly eating innocent fish. So one day I went for a swim with my father and told him everything. He was upset and actually tried to eat me for a few minutes, but then he calmed down and accepted that I was just different.

I suggest maybe trying the same tactic with your dad. And if that doesn't work, why not bring him and the rest of the family to the ocean? I find my troubles and thoughts tend to disappear when I'm looking closely into the lapping waves.

Oh, and I'm sorry to say, no word yet on Earl other than a few feathers found floating off the coast of Nova Scotia.

Until next week my friends.

3 comments:

  1. As much as I hate to see an cephalopod aquire additional skillls that can be used for evil against my people or evil I would reccommend joining some aquarium program were they teach you to crawn through tubes and boxes while dropping off explosives. Perhaps after such training you may become a valuable memember of our team, that is if you have no problems taking out your own kind would will hate you from nom on anyways.

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  2. Are you actually warming to an octopus?

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  3. NEVER...the only joy I will feel will be to see it turn on its own kind and slaughter a village of three. Then I will know that my plan is complete. When he lookes at me with those big tearfilled and eyes and says "But TS said you killed my father!" And I can can reply - "NO squidy, I am you fathe!!!" (cue music here)

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