[short story] Team Edward

He pushed his bowl towards the center of the table. Feelings of guilt and shame flooded him even as he looked on at his family happily enjoying their meal. The others barely glanced at him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that their eyes were on him. A quick muttered excuse and he left the table.

He walked slowly through the house trying not to seem suspicious. The air was full of happy dinner sounds. Laughter erupted from the table behind him as he stepped through an arch that led from the dining room to the front entryway. For a moment he thought they might know what he was up to but the conversation carried on so he kept moving..

The staircase in front of the door was solid; made a century before when people really cared about the work they put in. The whole house was like that. It was one of the reasons his family had chosen it years before. As he took each step, he wasn't thinking of the craftsmanship that was put into it. He was thinking of her.

She was beautiful but not like other girls. Beautiful and completely unaware of it. As far as he was concerned, he doubted she even knew he existed. Probably for the best, he knew but still he felt drawn to her. It was like he was being punished. Only, as far as he knew, if there was a crime, it had been committed against him.

He felt ugly.

As he crested the staircase he looked back to make sure no was watching. Assured of his privacy he headed to the bathroom. Once inside he locked the door and stood against it with the lights turned off. He was sick. Sick to his stomach. Sick from his desire. He lurched towards the toilet and emptied the contents of his stomach. A sickly metallic taste burned in his nostrils and throat. He flipped on the lights to make sure there was no splatter. The inside of the bowl was a dark mass of red.

Blood.

He stumbled over to the sink. One elbow on each side of the sink, his head resting on the faucet, he broke down. Tears streamed down his pale face. The word that was always hiding in the back of his mind came forward at that moment. Bulimic. He knew he was. He had been for awhile. He enjoyed eating but afterwards the guilt would hit him.

He wanted to be perfect but could never see himself as anything but flawed. That was one of the reasons he always felt compelled to hang in the back of the crowd at school. He didn't think he was worth knowing. He felt even worse because he was a guy. Movies and TV only showed girls dealing with bulimia. A fact that just embarrassed him.

He wondered if his family knew; If they suspected.

A sound in the sink alerted him. He looked down to find that a tooth had fallen out. He stared at it numbly for a few minutes before picking it up. It was a cuspid. Fear of being found out shuddered through him, but was quickly replaced by a mad laugh. For just a moment instinct took over as he looked to check out his reflection in the mirror. But nothing looked back.

He slid down to the floor, knowing it was all over. For a moment he pictured himself as he once was. Healthy and full of life. He imagined himself with her, no longer afraid of his feelings. No longer a face in the back of the crowd. The school gathered around, cheering him on as took her in his arms to kiss her. Their chants ringing out:

"Go Edward, go Edward!"

A half smile grew on his face as began to lose consciousness. With a last thought to her, he blacked out.