Saturday, April 23, 2011

T is For: TS Hendrik - A Non-Interview

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with myself for what was a surprisingly honest interview. Unfortunately due to a pending lawsuit we are only able to bring you select parts at this time.



TNR: What did you want to be when you were a child?
TS: Oddly enough, an airplane mechanic.
TNR: Not a pilot?
TS: Lord no. I'm scared of heights. I liked the idea of helping others fly.
TNR: And that doesn't in anyway seem stupid to you?
TS: Pardon?
TNR: Would you in fact say you were a rather dumb child?
TS: I didn't come here to be insulted!
TNR: I apologize. Let me rephrase the question. Were you frequently drunk as a child?
TS: I'm out of here.
TNR: Wait, I'm sorry. Please sit down. I'll move on.
TS: Ok... but try not to be so rude.


This may have not been the best opening line of questions as it left him irritated the rest of the interview.


TNR: You consider yourself to be a hunting enthusiast, correct?
TS: Not really. I've gone bow hunting a few times, but it's far from being a hobby.
TNR: You use a bow?
TS: I'm not anti-gun, I just happen to enjoy shooting a bow.
TNR: These hunting trips you've taken... How successful would you say they've been?
TS: ...I had fun. That's what I'd consider a successful trip.
TNR: Isn't it true that you've never in fact managed to hit anything?
TS: What are you implying?
TNR: That you suck at archery and hunting.
TS: I'm actually quite a good shot.
TNR: I'd like to read you a quote from someone I interviewed earlier this week, if you don't mind.
TS: Ok...
TNR: "So there I was out in the woods, when this half wit comes out from behind a tree. He's holding a long bow and one of those fancy arrows -the kind you have to put together yourself. At first I'm freaking like 'oh God, my time's up!' but than he draws and fires. Darn thing goes whizzing by, like 8 feet away. I looked at him and just started laughing my tail off!" That's from Arthur Cottontail, a rabbit from south eastern Ontario.
TS: ...
TNR: Do you deny Mr. Cottontail's account?
TS: No comment.

At this point I realized I may have trod on a sensitive subject. I decided it was probably for the best if I changed my line of questioning altogether.





TNR: Why is your head so big?
TS: What do you mean? It's average.
TNR: ... [eying him skeptically]
TS: Alright, it's big.
TNR: And those ears...!
TS: I said 'Alright'. It's genetic. I come from long line of proud, big-headed individuals. Now leave off.



Clearly he was upset. I realized I had to tread carefully or risk the interview being a total loss.


TNR: Would you say you're of two minds about everything?
TS: [laughing] Well... considering this interview.
TNR: Have you ever considered outpatient psychotherapy?
TS: This interview is over.

Providing that the suit ends in our favor, I look forward to bringing you the rest of the interview at a later date.



17 comments:

  1. BRAVO! possibly my favorite post yet, though I love a bit of self-deprecation ... the only question now is how long does a fellow blogger politely wait before stealing an idea?

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  2. Thank you. I believe 24 hours is customary before stealing ideas. haha

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  3. LOL - This interview is hilarious. It is my favorite "T" post so far. Thanks.

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  4. WoW! How did you ever score this interview! I've been trying to get one with myself for years. I suggest you put down your bow and use it on a package instead--much more effective.

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  5. Great interview! I'll be searching for that rabbit

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  6. That was a Cheap public gimmick TNR..Tsk, Tsk "shaking head vigorously'...not done, not done at all....I am going to scream bloody murder....

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  7. Wouldn't mention the bow again...

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  8. This was awesome. I think this was the best of your alphabet challenge.

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  9. Wow Ian Hunter was right...you ARE never alone with a schizophrenic! Hope the suit goes in...ah, your favor??

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  10. This is your BEST blog post EVER!!! LOVED it!!! You crack me up!!!!

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  11. Hahaha! That was hilarious. A great idea too. The folks want to know though, was said Mr Cottontail the Easter Bunny? ;-) Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

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  12. Boy that was a tough interviewer! Got ya on some probing questions. Glad you stayed to finished it. BTW...made you blog of the day.

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  13. Hey, in your defense, I had a friend that was into bow hunting. Stupid me, thought how hard can it be? Bow hunting is a lot harder than it looks, let me tell ya. I darn near took out a toe when I let that baby go!

    Remind me never to let you interview me....too probing and I am not into probes.

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  14. bow hunting isn't that hard! they are usually right next to the wrapping paper!
    Funny post Tim!

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  15. I was frequently drunk as a child :p

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  16. I just couldn't see any way for this interview not to end badly. TNR vs. TS? I'm just glad the internet didn't implode.

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