Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Random Terrifying Facts!






Fact:

Somewhere in the world right now, there's a person listening to "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" and thinking it was written for them.



Fact:

If a person witnesses something horrifying, their hair can turn white instantly. People's hair also turns white slowly as you get older. Aging is the process of slowly being horrified. 



Fact:

When you tell a parent their baby is cute, and they say "thank you," they're taking it as a personal compliment which is tantamount to saying, "thank you for appreciating the sex I had with my partner. We made this." Which is weird. That's why if I see a baby I just point at the child and say a very nondescript "baby".



Fact:

The furthest point you could walk away from yourself, is right behind you. So you can never truly "get away".



Fact:

Right about now, you're scratching your head at the 95% illogicality of the last fact, but willing to ride with it for the 5% you can't rule out. Welcome to my world, population, 1.*



*Based on a recent census taken of the known regions of TS-3-140, a fantastical planet existing with the confines of my brain. 

11 comments:

  1. Those are good! Most babies ARE NOT cute anyway. So why does everyone feel the need to say that to the parents?
    My wife often tells me that I live in my own little world...

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  2. I think you just found a new regular feature for TNR. This is fantastic...and of course, terrifying.

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  3. Those are hilarious! I agree with Pat about babies. And now I know why my hair is turning grey...

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  4. LMAO! Thanks for making me laugh! So I'm slowly being horrified? hehehe

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  5. xD That was wonderful.

    PS... my grandma's the one listening to that song right now :l

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  6. So if I witness something unhorrifying then my hair will darken right?? Like say a cute baby??

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  7. OMG can I quote you? "slowly being horrified"--most original and funny snippet I've seen in awhile!

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  8. I always thought it's stupid and arrogant of people to say "Thank you" when people compliment their baby. Now, I'll point and smirk, "baby!" I like it. Thanks. And I find that last fact more scary than confusing. It actually makes sense.

    xoRobyn

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  9. I thought I knew all the facts. About everything. Wow, was I wrong. I think I'll make you my leading source of information from now on.

    Do you happen to know why a raven is like a writing desk? And what's the population of TS-3-140?

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  10. I may have to adopt the habit of pointing at a baby and saying, "baby."

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