Saturday, January 19, 2013

Ask A Moth Riding A Cow 1/19/13

Dear Marty,

I understand that you went into hiding a couple years back after all the advice columnists were being killed off by some unknown forces (and the food chain), but I desperately need some advice. Now that Dear Abby has left this world for the sweet hereafter, I don't know where else to go. About a week ago I "borrowed" my sister's wedding dress for a costume party. Safe to say you can cross some guy barfing on me, off my bucket list. I tired cleaning it soda water and bleach but that didn't seem to help. Plus I used too much bleach and as a result, there are some small holes in the lace. What should I do? Her wedding is in two days, I don't have money for a new dress, and if I did, it was a designer. Should I just be honest with her?

Sincerely,
Wedding Blues in Minneapolis



Dear Blues,

It is true that cow and I went into hiding years back when we noticed the life expectancy as columnist was 3 posts. I am however writing from a safe location. Reading of your plight has roused in me the desire to help people once again, and for that I am grateful to you. Now to your problem; run. Run as fast as you can. Run like your life depen- No, let me rephrase, your life depends on it. Cause even though you're sisters, a bride will kill you.

Sincerely,
Marty the Moth

P.S. I'm not in anyway joking. Leave this moment.

8 comments:

  1. No other choice...Bridezilla is coming!!

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  2. The moth is obviously a sage as well.

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  3. I wouldn't rust the advice of that moth. His advice landed me in jail for 3 months. I put a hit out on him and that cow.

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  4. That is great advice and should be followed. A crossed or unhappy bride is a scary thing. They also have a memory longer than an elephant...

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  5. Is Marty real? If so, can you not tell him I exist? Don't want him looking me up. Dude seems scary.

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  6. I'm pretending Marty doesn't have wings, he's wearing a jet pack. That's one BA moth.

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