The 7 Word Weekend Movie Review: Machete, Going the Distance, and a little dancing

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

The American - George Clooney and other stuff that happens.

A Woman, a Gun and a Noodle Shop (limited) - Greatest title for a remake, hands down.

Going the Distance - Cake is now playing in my head.

Machete - My theory is that people will die.

I was originally going to go with something about Justin Long being dead to me for Going the Distance, but as my brother pointed out, he passed the realm of worth caring about some time back. Also, I've never hid my hatred for Drew Barrymore either so what does that leave us in terms of the movie? Jim Gaffigan and Charlie Day in supporting roles. Hmm... that is a tough one. Looks fairly formulaic, but I guess for those two it's worth video.

 Machete really looks like it'll be a fun movie. Maybe more so for some than others. I like to think that I'm included in the some rather than others, but other times I know I slide into the others rather than the some. Try saying that sentence 10 times fast. Interestingly enough, it's been a long time since I looked at a film and thought Cheech Marin looked funny in it. I mean years since I thought that. As in, before I was born. Sorry, I'm in a weird mood today. You'll just have to bear with my humor.

As I was setting up a tab for archived 7 word reviews, I noted two things: One, that it's really tedious work to set these up and I'll probably be slow to update them as a result and Two, I've done 38 or 39 of these now. One a week, that's a lot of weeks. Time flies when you're blogging. Well sometimes. Sometimes it moves so slow you just want to take your blog out back and go 'Old Yeller' on it.

And for that one person who's reading this and doesn't understand that reference (we'll assume you grew up in Thailand or somewhere similar) Spoiler, they shoot the family dog at the end.

Oh yeah, and then this happened:

Test run with new hardware. I slowed it down and added in the old film effects. I wanted to take the audio off which slowed down makes my brother sound like he's drunk, but he insisted it was funnier that way.

Next weekend maybe I'll be back to normal. Maybe...

Have a great weekend everyone.

The Best Movies You Probably Haven't Seen

It's amazing the movies that slip through the cracks barely making a sound. What's even more fantastic is when the cast contains real actors. In the case of today's entry, it's jam packed with names.


Now Showing:

Neverwas (2006)

Written and Directed By:
Joshua Michael Stern (Swing Vote)

Starring:
Aaron Eckhart (Dark Knight), Ian McKellen (X-Men), Brittany Murphy (Sin City), Nick Nolte (Hulk), Jessica Lange (Big Fish), William Hurt (The Incredible Hulk), Bill Bellamy (Lottery Ticket), Alan Cumming (X-Men 2)

The Gist:
Aaron Eckhart plays a psychiatrist who takes a job at an institution where his father (Nick Nolte), a famous children's author, was in and out of before his suicide. Here he encounters a mysterious old man (Ian McKellan) who believes he is the king from a fantasy world. How Eckhart ties to him will cause him to face many demons and mysteries left buried for years.

Why You Should Watch It:
The story quickly pulls you in with it's whispers of a kind of fantasy world every child at one point or another wishes they could disappear into. It's a sad story that will have you hoping that the kingdom Ian McKellan describes is somehow real.

Why You Probably Haven't Seen It:
It debuted at a few film festivals, but to the best of my knowledge it really only got a dvd release here in the states.

Scene To Savor:
When Aaron Eckhart is sifting through his father's old journal and runs across a hidden photo.

Comments:
The movie has a great story and great actors but is far from perfect. The music, composed by Philip Glass, is less than thrilling. Considering that I have enjoyed scores by Glass several times, it's disappointing. It almost feels more like they contracted him to make a thirty second piece which they then looped. Sometimes it works, but at other times it sticks out and feels poorly mixed with the scenes. I would guess the budget was low and probably spent mostly on the actors. As a result the film quality itself isn't always the sharpest and the sound has some low moments. The thing that bothers me the most though is the ending. For the majority of the film Stern keeps a moody and mysterious tone. The ending just doesn't match the feel of the rest of the movie and fails to stick the landing. Still I wouldn't let that sway you away from the movie as it's still worth at least a viewing.

Overall rating on a scale of missed gems: 3.5 out of 5

Precious Moments: Pepsi

Cashier: How is that Pepsi throwback?

Customer: What? Oh, the one with real sugar? It's not bad.

Cashier: I haven't tried it. I tried the Mountain Dew throwback.

Customer: Oh, yeah? I haven't tried that one. Any good?

Cashier: It was kind of weird. It tasted pretty good but it kind of freaked me out. I could definitely taste a difference.

Customer: Huh, I'll have to try that one another time.

Cashier: [finished scanning items] Would you like to... [awkward pause] donate a dollar to the diabetes fund?

Customer: uh... sure, why not?

Me: [Smiling]

Battle of the Colors – Round 5

And now for the results: Red …… seven votes. And Black …… drum roll …… eight votes! Black wins! Well, that round. It won that round. Round 4. Not the whole battle. Just 4. The round, that is. Not the number 4. It didn’t beat the number. That’s a battle for another time. (But I am looking forward to that battle, so that I can say, “What’s the greatest number?” Ha, ha! TS and I laughed for like ten minutes about that one. One, not 1. Forget about numbers. Seriously. We’ll do those later. Sheesh.) So, anyway, Black won, and now two new colors have stepped up to challenge each other:

GRAY VS. PURPLE

Gray’s Résumé
Experience:
  • Spent four years building 12-unit condominiums, for homeless beetles, out of egg cartons.
  • Served five years as vice president of a multi-hundred dollar shoelace company. (Personally oversaw the production of the little plastic parts they put on the ends.)
  • Worked for the government for eight years trying to invent a “Cougher” to replace the “Clapper.”
Special skills:
  • Have a special pilot’s license that certifies that I am qualified to fly a kite.
  • Can drive to Mexico without a map. (Unless the battery power is low on the GPS.)
References:
  • Black
  • White

Purple’s Résumé
Experience:
  • Wrote a book describing the reasons why some people call Z, “Zee” and others call it “Zed.”
  • Spent two years lobbying the government for legislation that would require all popsicle boxes to contain more grape-flavored popsicles than any other flavor.
  • Spent five years genetically engineering pinecones to be less prickly.
Special skills:
  • Can spit grape seeds over 6 feet (on a windy day).
  • Can get to the center of a tootsie-roll pop in under 75 licks.
References:
  • Red
  • Blue


Alright, time for you to vote for the best of these two colors. All those who end up voting for the winning color will receive their very own “Cougher” and a signed copy of “That Tricky Z.” The next round begins on Saturday, so get your votes in before then.

New CSN Giveaway

CSN Stores which has over 200 online stores with everything from cool clocks to sweet lights is once again sponsoring a giveaway here. $50 smackers to be used at any of their stores. 

So what do you have to do to win? Instructions after the jump.

Was that picture necessary? No, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. Now on to the instructions.

The last two times I went sentimental, awarding the prize to those who were going to use it for others. This time around I want to give it to someone more greedy. Feel free to look through any of the stores for ideas. I just want to know how you'd spend it on yourself. Leave me a comment below telling me what you'd do with it. If you try and win me over with sweetness, this time I won't have it. I want to give it to someone intent on blowing the $50 on themselves.

It's open to US and Canadian residents (Note: if you're up in Canada I believe there are additional shipping fees.)

As the theme this time around is greed, feel free to enter as many times as you want.

Some additional CSN Stores you might like:

Tools - The adult in me loves the practicality of fixing things. The kid in me just wants to get a drill and make holes in things!

Binoculars - Get a telescope and spy on your neighbors, on other planets! See what I did there? 

Stores - The master list of stores. If you can't find something cool or fun here then you aren't really looking.

This contest ends September 13, 2010. 

So make sure to enter before then!