Friday, March 26, 2010

The back page (non-obits)

Quincy Magoo
1949 - 2010

Famed bumbling character Quincy Magoo, died tragically this week. Mr Magoo, as he is more affectionately known, was famed for his nearsightedness and the situations he found himself in as a result. Many of us laughed and found it remarkable that he could wander around without any aide and survive a thousand near misses and close calls. Sadly, the odds were against him when he was hit by a truck, and again by a bus, while crossing Main Street. Charlie, Mr. Magoo's Chinese houseboy, is said to be the sole heir to his vast estate.

That Guy
??? - 2010

The Non-Review received an exclusive tip today of the passing of that guy in the picture. Our source which wished to remain anonymous was quoted as saying, "Look at him, I mean his arm has been stripped of flesh and everything, clearly that guy's dead." Little is known about that guy, but it is believed that he lived a full life with a wife and kids. Popular conjecture suggests he may have worked in the mail room of a large complex in downtown Toronto. One thing is for certain, he may or may not be missed.

My interest in my friend's self published novel
2007 - 2010

This past Tuesday it was officially ruled that I no longer have any interest in my friend's self published novel. When I had first heard of it, I was not told it was self published, so my excitement for my friend was high. When it finally came out, I was surprised to find she had published it herself. Still, in the interest of our friendship, and curious about her skill, I purchased the book. It was decidedly not good. Still she's persisted in talking it up and pushing it around online. When it was mentioned to me this past week, I quickly killed the topic. It is survived by my overwhelming interest in another friend's paintings.


Kevin Corcoran
1949 -

Yes peoples, Moochie is alive and well. Child star of many Disney films in the 50's and 60's, Corcoran is best known for his roles in Old Yeller, Toby Tyler, Pollyanna and of course for his running character Moochie. After breaking from acting Corcoran attended college before returning to television, this time behind the camera. He has had a hand as assistant director in a number of shows including, Quantum Leap, Murder She Wrote, and Providence. But in the hearts and minds of those at the Non-Review, he'll always be that bratty kid we wanted to smack. No, seriously, Moochie was sociopath. Nevertheless a full salute to one of the great Disney legends.


  1. I love the line "It is survived by my overwhelming interest in another friend's paintings." That is instant classic my friend!

  2. That is why I don't have friends. You gotta support their stupid shit. Thankfully everyone I know online is a creative genius who fill me with such a jealous rage that I find I am trapping squirrels just to punt them over the back fence. Kids are easy to lie to. That is what the grade B was invented for. Adults seem to know when you are faking it when you tell them their shit is good. What made your friends novel particularly bad? She made it a love story between a squirrel and an octopus right? Those never end well.

  3. Jerry, thanks a lot

    Kal, Yeah friends suck, lol. I wish her book had been about a squirrel-octopus tryst. That at the very least would have been entertaining.

  4. My heart is heavy for Mr. Magoo. Did he at least find his glasses before his demise? Did they question that annoying housekeeper? He did rank in the bucks on that one. I suspect foul play.

  5. I don't think Mr. Magoo ever fully recovered from is visit with the Ghost of Christmas Future. He was never the same after that.

  6. LMAO! I'm in f'n tears over the Friend's Novel listing. My laughter was so bad that she even asked me wtf I was laughing about like that! That was seriously funny shit.


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