Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Non-Interview: (non) Jedward

I recently had the opportunity to Non-Interview John and Edward, the twin brothers who make up the sensation that is Jedward.

Non-Review: A lot of people think you should have won X Factor, do you agree with this?
Non-John: Didn't we win? I thought we won.
Non-Edward: I thought we won. Didn't we win?
Non-John: If we didn't win, how come we're still going?
Non-Edward: How come we're still going, if we didn't win?

Non-Review: Ireland has a rich tradition of beautiful music. Where do you feel that you fit in?
Non-John: Well, we see ourselves as a combination of Dropkick Murphies, The Dubliners and 50 Cent.
Non-Edward: Or like Michael Flatley multiplied by two and minus the Irish jigs...and the international acclaim...

Non-Review: If you couldn't be singing, what could you see yourselves doing?
Non-John & Edward: I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
Non-Edward: Or Dancing On Ice. We're still deciding.

Non-Review: How do you tell which one is Jed and which one is Ward?
Non-John: Oh, well, we both have very different birthmarks on the tops of our heads. I've got one in the shape of a skull and crossbones...
Non-Edward: ...and I've got one that spells out W-A-N-K-E-R! 

Non-Review: This one is just for John. I kinda got the vibe that you feel like you're carrying your brother. What do you think about him?
Non-John: Oh, I'm really jealous of him. He's got the same name as that sparkly vampire that all the girls go cuckoo-bananas over, so he gets the most luck with the ladies. But I'm getting the better deal, because... (whispers) ...I cover his plates of prawns with laxatives!
Non-Edward: (looking up whilst eating prawns) Wha' 'oo 'ay?
Non-Edward: Awwwww...

Non-Review: If you had to design a new hat for the pope, what would it look like?
Non-John: Well, we loosely model our hair on Jamaroquai's big spiky hat, so we'd just nick one of Jay Kay's hats and say to the Pope that we made it!

Non-Review: How many tacos do you think you can eat between the two of you?
Non-John & Edward: Two hundred and thirty five.
Non-Edward: We have infinite stomach space.
Non-John: But like normal humans, we have to pace ourselves.

Non-Review: So... Vanilla Ice... why the hair?
Non-John: The hair is our trademark. We'd rather die and have Lady GaGa beat up our corpses with that telephone on her head, than NOT have our hair the way we have it.
Non-Edward: And remember when we mentioned those birthmarks on our heads? We style our hair with twenty-three tubs of hair-gel a day, just so no one is able to see those marks. The hair is our excuse.

Non-Review: What is it about "Ice Ice Baby" that really spoke to you?
Non-John: Oh, it was a very poignant song to us both. It reminded us of something traumatic that happened when we were babies.
Non-Edward: A babysitter, who was looking after us, turned out to be psychotic, and she put us both in the top drawer of the freezer.
Non-John: We were trapped in there for five hours before we were rescued.
Non-Edward: So when we heard Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby), we vowed that if we ever got a record contract, we'd do a cover of that song, and raise awareness of the growing epidemic of babies being put in freezers.

Non-Review: And finally, what do you think about Jack Keane?
Non-John: Oh, we HATE that guy!
Non-Edward: He bad mouths us.
Non-John: He calls us names.
Non-Edward: He never says anything good about us.
Non-John: He mocks us with the passion of a hundred flaming suns.
Non-Edward: Basically, he's worse than Hitler, Satan and Katie Price combined.

Special thanks to Jack for playing the twin part of Jedward. He's a very funny guy who you can and should follow on Twitter HERE.

And if you would like to participate in a future Non-Interview drop me a line and I'll fill you in on the details.


  1. Can't wait to grooved to the Jeds in concert. Love the Lady Gaga comment. Hilarious!!!!!!

  2. I love the non-interviews! Great job Jack! I cover your plate of prawns with laxatives.... I mean You're Great!

  3. Another home run. Love the comments about the hair. This first picture scares me. LOL

  4. LMAO! I love when you do these too. Actually TS, what do you write that I don't love?

    Thanks for bringing me into the awareness of what a Jedward is.


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