Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Review: Girl in the Parking Lot (OR penis isn't always a dirty word)

I believe I've stated this before, but I hate Publix. It's one of the most annoying grocery stores to shop. Every bloody clerk attaching themselves to you like leaches. I may have a time or two childishly pronounced it's name as Pube-lix. Such is my dissatisfaction. Nevertheless to Publix my brother and I went.

It was coldish and slightly overcast. Perfect weather for Brussels sprouts if you ask me. As we pulled into a spot, diagonal to us was a carload of teens. A couple girls and a guy in the back, and a guy and girl in the front.  The guy in the front was short, blonde, and kind of had a face like a bulldog. There was clearly a heated discussion going on inside the car. He was seated in the passengers, and the girl in the driver's seat.

Just there for a half a minute, and the guy is popping out of the car. As he gets out the girl slides into the passenger side and begins shouting at the top of her lungs, Penis! Not just once but rapid fire, stopping only for breath. Bulldog at this point turns around and says something quietly to her and closes the door on her penis.

For a moment there is silence. As he walks around the car to the other side. As soon as the driver side door is open, the rapid fire yelling begins again. Penis! She is clearly adamant about this. It seems that this is some point that she feels must be put across to the world. As if to say that the world itself might be saved by penis. Once the door closed, the sounds were again cut off. They sat there for a couple minutes after that, with nary a sound from them. At last though, bulldog started the car, and the proper young lady's window rolled down. Sure enough as they drove away, the sound of Penis! could be heard fluttering in the wind.

Now I know what the easy answer is here, but I always try and think the best of people. Thus, I came up with a possible scenario that would allow for penis to be shouted without being anything offensive. The way I see it, they must have been listening to the radio inside. Undoubtedly a contest was running, and her friend was calling in. Most likely the question was an anatomical one. Almost certainly regarding the male reproductive organ. Her friend was probably on her cell, trying to give an answer that was wrong, and she was trying to correct her so that they could win tickets to some... oh let's say medical lecture.

So you see, she was just trying to help win a contest. Nothing wrong with shouting penis in a parking lot full of old women and young children. It should also be noted that my brother posed his own theory, but as I try to maintain this blog at a PG-13 rating, I will not be posting that.

Girl in a parking lot, for your entertainment value, and for taking the sting out of visiting Publix, I rate you a 9 out of 10


  1. Hysterical! We used to have a childish game in high school called the "P" game and you would start very softly and the person that shouted that word the loudest won.

  2. That's too funny. I can't say the "p" word. I have to say "weenie" -- I have problems.

    Publix near my dad's in Florida is awesome. I also love Stop & Shop but I'm not sure you have those. Wegman's rocks too.

    Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

  3. It sounds like they were playing the penis game. it simply involves yelling penis as loud as you can in a public (or publix) place.

    Example from 500 Days of Summer - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js2nPCsJOzQ

    Was it that game or just pure stupidity? Either way, good times.

  4. If they were playing the Penis game this is a really poor example. My friend Joe and I used to play that game in the back of our religion class, cause I was foul mouthed and onry in high school. Well actually that hasn't changed much.

    My husband and I also call it Pube-lix that is in contrast to "Harris Teeter" which we refer to as the Harry Teet. We shop there regularly out of convenience, it is not to expensive and the next closest grocer to us is the Food Lion that make me feel like I need a tetnus shot. Question though: is it SOP everywhere for Publix to put placards in front of certain magazines at the registers?

  5. You know, I'd totally forgotten about the Penis game.

    Camel, I keep meaning to, but I still haven't seen 500 days

    Erika, yeah I think the placards are pretty standard. I don't get it, but whatever. I've referred to Harris Teeter the same way. Just can't be helped. lol

  6. I was totally gonna make the 500 Days of Summer reference, but I see someone beat me to it.

    Some of my friends and I got kicked out of a Big Boy in high school playing the penis game.

  7. It wouldn't be the penis game if she was doing that rapid fire. You go against somebody ...

    This girl just sounds like an educated socialite (read: the next paris hilton).

  8. We don't have Publix where I live, so I have never heard of them. See what a small world I am living in!


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