Saturday, April 17, 2010

Battle of the Mascots: The First Vote

It is now time for the Non-Review to wage a new battle. And this time TS Hendrik was not aware ahead of time, what I would throw into combat. So I do hope that he does not mind a bit of carnage, because for this fight, instead of inanimate objects (like planets and shapes), I have chosen to let loose Holiday Mascots upon one another. No one necessarily wants to see the Easter Bunny punching on Santa, but someone has to do it, and we here at the Non-Review do not back down merely because of unpleasantness. But why Holiday Mascots? Well, to be honest, the seven dwarfs were booked, and the Easter Bunny ticked us off just recently (it’s a long story), so the choice seemed clear. And ever since Coca-Cola essentially invented the official mascot image of Santa Claus in the 1930’s, the issue of greatest holiday representative has needed to be settled. And so today we begin. The battlefield is clear for our first two combatants:

St. Patrick’s Day’s  

He is known well for his high spirits, incessant limericks, and a tendency to horde clovers. (The DEA is suspicious of that one.) Due to his almost perpetual state of intoxication, Leppy (as his friends call him) no longer remembers exactly who St. Patrick was, but that doesn’t deter him from making toasts in his honor with multiple rounds of ale. He’s also had an on-and-off relationship with the Tooth Fairy. However, her bitterness over not having her own holiday, causes friction in their relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, a Jack-O-Lantern is not necessarily always male—in the same way that a ladybug is not always female. (They have both suffered from bad PR campaigns I’m afraid.) Jack finds a somewhat sick enjoyment in frightening small children, but feels as though he makes up for it by giving them candy. He also had a close relationship once, with a pineapple, but there was too much confrontation over whether their kids would be raised as vegetables or fruits. So it eventually ended.

Now before this battle began, Leppy originally refused to fight Jack, thinking he was a fellow Irishman. Leppy had jumped to that conclusion before seeing Jack’s name written down, and had thought it was “Jack O’Lantern.” We assured him this was not the case, at which point he immediately put down his beer and started swinging. So this battle should be a good one. And it is now time for you to decide who you think is The Greatest Holiday Mascot. Give us your vote, by leaving a comment, to decide who wins this round. The voting for this round will end on Tuesday, at which point two new Mascots will take the field.


  1. Leppy always freaked me out for whatever reason... My vote is going to Jack! I like that name better anyway. Yes, I think Jack would win! Have a feeling I'm alone in my thinking ... I also love October way more than March :)

  2. First off. I love the idea of Holiday Mascots fighting each other.

    My vote is for Leppy. Jack doesn't have any arms or legs to defend himself unless he could shoot fire out of his mouth from that candle. If that is the case I choose Jack.

    You will have to decide about the fire spewing for my exact answer.

  3. Personally, I think you are skewing the results here by posting a happy, lively leprechaun and an evil-looking jack-o-lantern when we all know that leprechauns can be evil and jack-o-lanterns can be happy and lively.

    Could it be you have a bias here?

    I'm going with Jack!

  4. Jack will always be number one. He can assume many different personas, and Halloween is one of my favrorite holidays.
    Leppy just strikes me as being odd...a drunk young philanthropist with questionable motives...

  5. Jack will so SQUASH the competition.

    I gots ta go with the pumpkin king. Or else Tim Burton would be hanging around my house with Johnny Depp on a leash, and the palest woman "alive" howling outside my window.

  6. Jack is up and front with his evile. You will be scared up front but if you learn your lesson in proper time then you get to live.
    I can respect an agenda like that and rules I can follow.

    Leppy has no rules except being a dickhead and then blaiming it on the booze. Never any consequences with this guy. Gets to keep his pot of gold regardless of the shit he pulls. Deserves a shalaligh (sp) to the head.

  7. I'm going for Leppy. Because, um, he actually has arms. I feel like Jack would have a tough time fighting back (what with his lack of appendages and hollow-ness) unless he's mastered mental telepathy or something like that.

  8. hmmm. Leppys are the fighting irish. A bad ass mascot if U ever saw one. Plus, they need to protect a pot 'o gold. Leppy is my vote too.

  9. hmmm. Leppys are the fighting irish. A bad ass mascot if U ever saw one. Plus, they need to protect a pot 'o gold. Leppy is my vote too.

  10. Seriously, Jack is nothing but a flash in the pan! Sure he's all popular and cool for about a week. But after that he's nothing but a has been, saggy, steamy pile of orange mush, that stains whatever he's sitting on.

    Leprechaun has staying power!

    Besides, I've never heard a limerick about a pumpkin. Let's see.."There was once a pumkin from Nantucket, who's stem was so...."
    See, it just don't work!

    Leprechaun all-the-way!

  11. It will be a cold day in hell before I vote for something that wears a buckle on it's shoe.

    Sorry I had to resort to commenting on a comment from someone else's post again but all this Leppy love is making me sick.

  12. Back onto the topic of movies here I'm afraid! On "Halloween 3, The Season of the Witch" the company that made the masks originally made leprechauns and the company logo was a shamrock. So, going on this piece of trivia, I'm going to go for Jack to win.

  13. The Leprechaun is magically delicious.

  14. Jack gets my vote. [I'm steering clear of little weird guys these days, especially the smokers and boozers.]

  15. Damn aint this one a son of a bitch.. Its hard to deny the awesome power of the leprechaun, and outside of looking awesome, the Jackolanterns dont really say or do much.. Have to due some pumpkin smashing and go with the Lep for the win

  16. Who says that people don't want to see the Easter Bunny one-upping Santa Claus? I think that the world has been WAITING for that smackdown.

    Okay, back to the battle at hand. The first instinct is the Jack-O-Lantern, hands down. He's scary. He has the demonic quaity going for him. Crooked smile, etc.

    But as an Irish girl, I have to tell you that old Leppy owns this, BABY! Get out the pan, pumpkin pie will be served! (Once an Irish man starts swinging, there is NO stopping him!)

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  18. Leprechauns can be good or evil.... They have lots of gold at the end of their rainbows.... But the are very stingy with their lucky charms....

    Definitely the leprechaun....


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