Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Battle of the Mascots: Semi Finals 2 of 2

Well, if there was any doubt about the integrity of our battle results (*cough, cough, cotton, cough*) they are dispelled on this one. Both TS and I were definitely in Jack’s corner, and one particular voter (*cough, cough, asblack, cough*) went with EB, and yet Jack still lost. But Easter Bunny did put up an impressive fight, so congratulations are in order. EB clearly deserves to be in the final match-up. But it does not yet have an opponent for that match-up, so we need to take care of that right now. The next two competitors are here, so let’s get started:

Groundhog Day’s

Non-Review: So, Mr. Groundhog, if you—
Groundhog: “My friends call me GH.”
Non-Review: Sorry. GH, if you—
Groundhog: “I’m not sure you’re a friend.”
Non-Review: Uh … okay … hey you there, if you could be a superhero, which one would you be?
Groundhog: “I don’t like superheroes. They smell funny.”
Non-Review: What do you mean? 
Groundhog: “I was told I was only going to be asked one question. That’s two. I’m outta here.”

Non-Review: So, Mr. Claus, if you could be a superhero, which one would you be?
Santa: “What are you talking about? I am a superhero. You don’t see Spiderman flying around the world, giving away toys for free. Do you? No. And I have to let millions of kids sit on my lap, whether they’ve had a bath recently or not. If that’s not superhero behavior, I don’t know what is. I mean if all I did—”
Non-Review: Okay, okay—
Santa: “was leap tall buildings in a single bound—“
Non-Review: Yes, we get it—
Santa: “or flash an image of a bat on a cloud at night, what good would—“
Non-Review: We’re turning your mic off now.
Santa: -------------------

You now get to vote for who you think is the greatest of these two holiday mascots. Leave a comment, or send an email, to give us your vote. The winner of this round will be announced on Saturday, and the final battle between the mascots will take place.


  1. Let me see - a weather predicting retard or a corrupt diabetic sweatshop owner? I vote 'NO' on both these losers. Can we move onto the finals now. Neither are worthy. What the hell happened to 'CAKE'? I liked that kid. He had class and moxie and spunk and icing.

  2. LMAO @Cal's response. I will go for Santa because a jolly old fat guy that brings me stuff can't be too bad.

  3. But the fact that he gives you stuff doesn't make his evil any easier to accept. And that is how they GETCHA!

  4. In any other situation I would vote Santa but I feel bad for GH (I can call him that because we were roommates in college).

    I vote for Groundhog.

  5. Are you kidding me? I'm a jew and I'd still vote for the X-mass man. No contest.

  6. Groundhog all the way!!! (Tribute to Ally's blog post...but not with a groundhog)

  7. I still carry childhood trauma that won't allow me to vote for the fat man. Also, am I the only one who thinks he's probably having "elf" sex with his helpers?


  8. What are you people talking about? Again.... I'll say it again.... Groundhog = Less than 50% accurate....

    I get presents from the jolly fat man in red every year! Santa wins!

  9. Morally, I'd go with the Groundhog. He just seems way more...ethical? And kind of like the under...groundhog. But if we're going by who could win in a fight, I'd have to go Santa. He has little elf-y minions. Minions who are capable of making ANYTHING. Like, oh, I don't know...deadly weapons? Just sayin'...

  10. I'm voting for Santa because I love Christmas :)

    PS Thinking of you, TS. Hope all is well.


  11. Asblack...I'm with you. That's been my argument against that weather predicting hack from the beginning, the guy doesn't deserve his own show...much less such a prestiges honor like...wait, what is this contest about again?

    Am I the only one who says 'Asblack' like that goose that runs around selling insurance?
    Now that's a mascot challenge...

    The goose (duck?) vs. The gecko!!!

    Has that been done? I'm new here.


  12. Cotton, That's hilarious. I hadn't pronounced his name like the duck, but I will now.

    Santa is always a tool. Just saying.


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