Thursday, June 17, 2010

Non-Review: Toy Story 3 - as reviewed by Andy

I'm sure everyone remembers the first two films. Seems like the whole US fell in love with a cowboy and a spaceman. Sympathy was with these beloved characters and their misfortunes. But what about the kid? What about how Andy was portrayed? Shown to be an idiot, a joke, a sissy...

So the kid tired of his toys and wanted new ones. Is that really such a crime? Have you ever played with a pullstring toy? The novelty wears thin pretty quickly, believe me. But no one seemed to care about that in the last two films. So it's not surprising to find that in the new film, Andy is once again vilified.

His crime in this film is getting older and moving away; putting away the things of childhood in favor of growing up and becoming a responsible and productive member of society. He's also apparently too thick to realize the value of the toys he's done playing with, as they get donated to a bunch of sticky, destructive children. Quickly forgotten by the cold hearted monster who doesn't have time for dolls anymore.

But look! It seems the toys aren't going to put up with it. Good for the toys. Maybe they can get out into the world and find someone to love them again. Because the love of a child is fleeting, but something they desperately need. Instead of focusing on Andy, abandoning them, maybe we should be focusing on the low self esteem of these toys, that constantly seek the approval of others. It's beyond sad.

Then there's the whole bit with Buzz being reprogrammed. Hey everyone, he's speaking Spanish, because that's how electronics work.

Shame. Shame on Pixar for allowing this kind of monstrosity to be put forth. Shame on our society for placing such value upon possessions, that we make movies showcasing them litterally possessing us. And hooray for this brave soul Andy for moving on with his life.

-1 out of 10


  1. hehe, you're a genius...But Andy IS a sissy. The toys should've been looking for the love of someone much cooler. Like Kathy Griffin for instance. Actually, I hate her terribly and I'm not really sure how she found her way into this comment. I guess she has a knack at finding her way into a lot of things. What were we talking about?

  2. OMG...there you go again. Maybe me look at something in a totally different way. I was going to boycott this one because of the casting of a squishy octopus toy. If I was given one of those it would be going directly into the microwave on the 'roast' setting.

    This movie is all about possessions and the way the man makes you want to by his sugary cereal because you think it's what is best for you.

    -rabid corporatism?
    -octopus toy?
    -total mind control and manipulation?

    I have been such a fool. This rabbit hole is deeper than I ever thought it was.

    To quote "The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad" - "Now he knows as much as we." "It's a race then, a duel?"

    Protect youself my friend. They are coming.

  3. Camel, Kathy Griffin and I are mortal enemies. She has used you as a Trojan Camel to get into my camp.

    Cal, You quoting The Golden Voyage of Sinbad off the top of your head is one of the many reasons you're awesome.

  4. Sinbad - "Do you see it. The meridian? And there are shols? Its a chart, a nautical chart!

    Vizier - "And YOU are a SEA CAPTAIN. Allah be praised"

    K..this one is easy. I know that ENTIRE movie by heart. Can do the same with Star Wars.

  5. Now what could you possibly hate about Kathy Griffin. She is not shrill or annoying at all. You know the unpleasant comedian who did that one woman show about Jerry in Seinfeld? I imagine that is how she is in real life but just tones it down when the cameras are on her. I too find her useless.

  6. Cal, Star Wars is easy. Sinbad is class. Also, I once won a contest because I said a great movie would be to adapt the classic Heinlein story "all you zombies" with her being the only person that could play the part.

  7. Was that contest run by the 'Kathy Griffith Fan Club'?

  8. Aww...the toys just don't want to be abused. Nothing wrong with that.

  9. Is there not an abused toys program out there? are there no prisons? no workhouses? Why can't Andy grow up and go on with his life without the burden of assuring these toys are happy.

    Thats what is wrong with this world today we are so tied into making sure animated objects are happy so we can be happy too, now if that don't make you happy then just go on out and get yourself a new toy.

    Seriously Loved the post.

  10. Great, my kids have been begging all week to see it tomorrow.I thought it would just be fun, now there's all these issues I have to think about.

    The beach was great, except for all the rocks we had to climb down to get there. No beaches in Tennesee huh? Geography's not my thing.

  11. I'm going to have to agree with you.
    I never really got the Toy Story rage.
    I was like 'ehhh'

  12. i so don't care about toy story.
    p.s. ts i'm really at a loss for movies lately. should i see check out grown-ups? just kidding.

  13. TS---- DAKG????

    Dudes against Kathy Griffin - You can be President and I'll be VP!!!--Club? I am just totally turned off by the crudeness- while I'm all over your Genius!!

    Good stuff my friend---Good stuff!~
    Only regret is it took so long for us to connect! But that is remedied now!


    As you can see- my caps lock affliction is ongoing---LOL!

  14. John, that's a club I'm up for. lol

  15. I'm torn. I really wanted to see TS3, but a -1? I gotta go with your decision. I totally agree about the possession thing. Plus, it's 9/10s of the law.

  16. Ive tried to get excited for this one since the kid loves Toy Story, but somehow all I can muster is an ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


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