Monday, June 7, 2010

Ode to a Female Barber and other review poems

Pizza You're Hot

Dang it pizza, you're so hot
Bubbling cheese and lettuce topped
I didn't check the time I set
And I know I shouldn't take a bite quite yet
You've burned me once not long before
Though technically that was your brother
Still nothing ventured, nothing gained
Quick get me a drink, I'm in a load of pain!
Dang it pizza, why the spite?
Ah heck, I'll take just one more bite.

Smoke Detector

Didn't you realize, 
What the fire meant?
I mean sure things were controlled
I just burned a paper is all
Still I feel like you should have said something
I wonder if this hotel is as safe as originally thought?

These Wars of Men and Women

I wish now I'd read the post
Which has caused such a stir
I see now it's been removed
By you or possibly blogger
Damn these wars of men
And women; both know better
Then to write offensive posts
And pen annoying letters

Ode to a Female Barber

Short cropped hair
Brunette with a patch of bleached
Tattoos running down each arm
Spiked bracelets and many piercings
Thin and kind of pretty in a rocker chic sort of way
But underneath a pound of makeup
And a couple liters of hairspray
Still when you sang along to Dire Straights
The thought occurred to me
'Oh! She's that kind of Rocker Chick.'
But then you started singing along to Creed
Then I thought.
'Oh... she's that kind of rocker chick'
And very much wished to leave.
Still the haircut looks really good
And heck I got it for free.

How do I tell her I like her?

How do I tell her I like her,
But just not in that way?
Sure we've had a lot of laughs
And had a really fun day
But friendship seems a little strong
Not a word I'd care to use
Can't we stay as friends of friends
Without us being friends too?


  1. ha - that is bizarre/funny/cool that we posted a poem about haircuts/barbers on the same day.

    Dig the poems. I think I especially like the last one.

  2. If you didn't want to be friends, TS, you could have just rented a billboard or made a commercial like normal people. You didn't have to write a poem, and then call me a girl at the same time. Way to be passive-aggressive, man.

  3. Okay, once again you show me a side of you that can be entertaining in the best way.

    I just have so many bad memories of classes full of pretentious poetry that could have been written by 12 year old girls and often were.

    I don't need to hear your ennui...tell me about that pizza again. Brilliant.

    Oh and Rep has got ISSUES! No wonder you are breaking up with him.

  4. Pizza one spoke to me, except for the lettuce part. FYI...big fan of Female Barber Biker chicks!

  5. Oh, don't worry, "Stupid Butt" here is going to perform a preemptive breakup, right here and now. Ahem ...

    You may be TS
    and like hearing yes
    but it's time to assess
    this whole rotten mess.
    And as you may guess
    I now must address
    the lack of success
    your friendships possess.
    I don't mean to depress
    but I have to confess
    that when you express
    that I might wear a dress
    it causes me stress
    so now you're friendless.

  6. Poor, Poor, Reputation@stake
    He tries hard to hide
    His small mental break
    He makes himself, the girl in my poem
    When it's actually about
    No one I know.

    Comments seem to always end up funnier when I'm not around to jump in.

  7. Yay! A dance off for nerds, I mean, poets.

  8. Cotton, I bet if it was about dinosaurs you'd join in.

  9. These are great. I especially like the last 2. I'm wondering if it's the rocker chic barber or Rep@Stake you're referring to in "How do I tell her I like her?" Great last line ("friends of friends without being friends").

  10. omg, this is hil-air! so freakin' funny. i love the barber one the best and pizza cuz i'm a chubber :)

  11. I actually think the pizza might have a crush on you....

  12. You're so talented!

    Talented enough that you made me remember I have left-over pizza in the fridge waiting to be gobbled down. Thanks!

  13. The talent on this site...who freakin' knew...what the depths of the water could do to you...fuck it, I'm going to the zoo.

  14. You got so many talents...
    those were good, and some were funny.

  15. I keep trying to read this post, but I can't get past the whole lettuce on the pizza thing.... Is that a canadian thing? lol


Related Posts with Thumbnails