Thursday, August 12, 2010

Shrunken Heads Review: The Expendables

Thomas: Hello and welcome to another edition of the Shrunken Heads Review. This week we'll be looking at The Expendables, an action movie par excellence. Guys, I thought it was a blast. What did you two think?

Smith: Yeah, they really knocked it out of the park.

Thomas: What did you enjoy about the film?

Smith: You know, the action-y bits. Those were the best.

Thomas: I know you must have enjoyed this one. You're always on about how we don't get enough violent, fun films to review.

Smith: Yes, it was great.

Thomas: Great?

Smith: Indeed.

Thomas: Alright, what's going on? You're never this quiet.

Smith: Nothing, I enjoyed the movie. I just don't feel like talking about it is all.

Thomas: What do you mean you 'don't feel like talking about it?' This is a review. Talk is what we do.

Jeffrey: Leave Smithy alone. He's just bummed that we couldn't sit together at the screening. The two of us loved the film and had a blast watching it.

Thomas: 'Smithy?' You two spend one day alone together and you're giving each other nicknames?

Jeffrey: You seem very hostile today. Have you been getting enough fiber?

Thomas: I'm going to let that go. Let's just get back to the film, shall we? Since Smithy doesn't feel like talking about the movie, would you care to offer any thoughts?

Jeffrey: Great film. Loved it.

Thomas: I think I'm getting a headache. What did you love about it; the amazing cast, the blow you away action; the comedy perhaps?

Jeffrey: Yes, all of those.

Thomas: All of those... I'm getting the distinct feeling that you two are hiding something. Let me ask you this; what did you think of the part where Sylvester Stallone throws a swordfish through the heart of one of the bad guys?

Jeffrey: I must have missed that when I getting a refill on soda.

Smith: I thought it was incredible!

Thomas: Aha! That never happened.

Jeffrey: Dang it Smith, I told you not to commit to any direct questions about the movie!

Thomas: What's going on?

Jeffrey: We're not saying anything. Our mouths are steel traps that you'll never be able to pry open. Do what you want but you'll never get anything out of us.

Smith: We skipped out and watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World!

Jeffrey: I hate you Smith.

Thomas: So... neither of you saw the film? I was the only one? We were supposed to see Scott Pilgrim next week together!

Jeffrey: See, that's the problem I had with the plan. The whole 'next week' thing. You should have gotten your priorities straight.

Thomas: As I was the only one to watch the film I see no reason to continue this review. For my part -which I guess is the only part- I thought the movie was fantastic. Stallone wanted to make a film that embodied the old action movies of the 80's and 90's and he succeeded at that. Packing in a ton of big name action stars he created the ultimate guys guys film. While the story was not the greatest and the plot was sort of non-existent, that really wasn't the point here. As far as I'm concerned this is a clear winner as one of the most fun, high action films of the year. While Statham has been a favorite of mine for a few years, Bruce Willis completely stole the movie. Anything you two have to say for yourselves?

Smith: Scott Pilgrim rocked my world. Also we took 20 bucks from your wallet to buy the tickets.

Jeffrey: We had our priorities straight.


  1. Magnificent 7 meets Rambo is what I'm getting. But I'm still not sold on these Head Reviews. Shrunken head Smith said I would love STEP UP 3D. Turned out to be a snoozer.

  2. "Have you been getting enough fiber?" Bwaahaahaa!!!! Love it!

  3. I love the review, but NO WAY I'm going to see this thing...
    Poor Thomas! He's been hoodwinked

  4. I think Smith did the right thing and went to Scott Pilgrim instead.

  5. Haha we took 20 bucks from your wallet fo buy the tickets...

  6. another fantastic non-review. Too bad there is no swordfish throwing, I really wanted to see that part.

  7. The swordfish thing had me half-way to the I will just wait for the DVD! These are all my favorite action heros so no way am I missing it...however the wife has no interest whatsoever so DVD it is!

  8. Your buddies missed out, I feel about the Expendables the same way you felt about Scott Pilgrim it seems. I'd been dreaming of a movie like this since I was a kid, and the movie delivered in every possible way.


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