Wednesday, December 22, 2010

2010 People - Naughty or Nice pt. 3

This week at The Non-Review, we will be debating who should be on the Nice list and who should be on the Naughty list this year. I will be arguing everyone on the list for why they've been nice and my brother Randy will be tackling the naughty. Each will ultimately be decided by an impartial third party who will serve as the tie breaker. So it's all fair and that kind of stuff. Where possible, the names of guests will be linked to their respective sites.

It was closer yesterday than it was with Betty White, but votes tallied, Harry Potter Makes the Nice List. Now on to today's installment.

21. The Kardashians (Reality TV Family)

TS - Naughty:
What better definition of 'being nice' is there than helping others? As I was recently cruising through the On Demand section of cable, looking for a good movie to watch, I discovered that there is a Kardashian workout section, at no extra charge. Doing their best to help others get in shape means caring about the health of total strangers. Unselfish. Nice.

Randy - Naughty:
Really? Do I really need to do this? I can't believe I'm saying this but wouldn't it be easier to tell you the nice they did? Remember when they threw that sandwich at the homeless guy? Sure he bled for 3 days, but he ate for two.

J. T. Wiseman - Tie Breaker:
Naughty. Because they are breathing. Not to be cruel but I made it through 10 seconds of one of their shows and with that little exposure, I wanted to see them set on fire, doused with kerosene (gas burns too fast and it must be a slow torture like their show) and set on fire with a burning crow, shot from a large air cannon. But that alone doesn't do America justice. It will have to be done on a season finale of their show, so their fans will wonder what's going to happen next year. Then we can dig up their burnt carcases and put that on TV. It would make for a better show. One that I could watch without dreaming of a ball gag.

Dec. 14, 2009 - New York, New York, United States - K63648PSC.The premiere of Columbia Pictures' ''Did You Hear About The Morgans?'' at the Ziegfeld Theater in New York City on 12-14-2009. WILFORD BRIMLEY. © Red Carpet Pictures
20. Wilfred Brimley (Actor, Lover of Oatmeal)

Good old Brimley, he's tougher than a timex. I've thrown a a dozen curve balls and he's managed to avoid the big strike out at every turn. Clearly God has favored him in some way, so who am I to argue?

Randy - Naughty:
You take care of yourself by eating your oats and checking your diabetes regularly. STOP IT! You have been on the death watch for so long that death himself is ready to retire. I want to feel bad that you're gone, but you won't leave. Mr. Mustache, you're on the Naughty List.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
He's, by far, one of the coolest old actors in the business. And sure, he's done a lot to raise awareness of diabetes and diabetes testing. We all know about that. But Willy goes on the Nice list for another kind of awareness he was passionate about raising... cockfighting. Yes, cockfighting. He was extremely vocal about his disapproval of a proposed cockfighting ban in New Mexico. Wilford Brimley wants cockfighting to exist. I'm having a difficult time seeing how that doesn't merrit making the Nice List.

19. BP Oil Spill (Oil Spill)

TS - Nice:
Deep in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico lies a creature that few know about. It secretes pure deadly viruses. You name it, this creature secretes it. If not for the oil spill, heroically wiping out this creature, it might just have meant the end of the world. Unfortunately, this creature was not just localized to the gulf, and periodically, from time to time, as it begins to grow in number, expect other oil spills, there to save us all. My thanks to BP exec Tom Landson for explaining it all to me.

Randy - Naughty:
You made everything brown and sticky, just like grandma on thanksgiving. Man I miss my grandma. She used to bake me cookies and take me places. I remember one time she took me to the beach. We had a lot of fun until she fell in something brown and sticky and died. Damn you BP Oil Spill.

Reputation@Stake - Tie Breaker:
You can’t help but be impressed with the BP Oil Spill’s lucrative effects. The 24-hour news channels were struggling with slow news days, while the political cartoonists and stand-up comedians were running low on material. Gas prices were getting dangerously low, and environmental-disaster clean-up crews were having to lay people off. But then the BP Oil Spill stepped up to the plate, and bolstered them all. Where else but the Nice List could they possibly belong?

18. TS Hendrik (Me, Defender of Cat's Opinions)

TS - Nice:
I am a modest man. I don't like to brag about my good deeds and worthy endevours, highly numbered though they be. I prefer to do things quietly and unnoticed. And that is exactly why I should be noticed and loudly proclaimed to be good while my accomplishments are shouted from the roof tops.

Randy - Naughty:
Tim, okay, this has gone far enough. I'm not even joking anymore. Where are my fries? You took them like 2 months ago and I am tired of you pulling out one at a time. They're not even good anymore, so why keep them? You suck so bad, now give me my darn fries.

Mom - Tie Breaker:
He's always such a good boy, though I wish he wouldn't act like Randy, saying all those gross things all the time. Still he deserves to be on the Nice List.

17. Randur Siitam (Brother, Dancer in the Dark)

TS - Nice:
Randy, you are always thinking of others. Remember that time you bought us lunch and graciously offered your fries to me? Sure you didn't say a thing, but you knew I wanted them, and your actions, namely turning around to talk on the phone for a moment, indicated to me that you were okay with me taking them. It is that kind of generosity that should earn you a place on the nice list.

Randy - Naughty:
Ha! Do you know what I did last night? Sick. If you could walk a mile in my shoes or see through my eyes, I'm betting you would run to wash your hands. Yes, I know where they've been and yes, I know they're sticky. And by the way, that's not chocolate you're about to eat.

Mom - Tie breaker:
He's been good though I wish he wouldn't say such gross things all the time. I'd put him on the Nice List.

LAS VEGAS - MAY 23: Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin speaks at RECon 2010, the International Council of Shopping Centers' annual global retail real estate convention, at the Las Vegas Convention Center May 23, 2010 in Las Vegas, Nevada. RECon is a three day convention featuring leading developers, retailers, brokers, financial institutions, and municipalties who come together once a year to conduct business. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
16. Sarah Palin (...Annoying?)

TS - Nice:
Obviously she's been good this year. Do you know how hard it is to be a wife, mother, and change the world at the same time? It's like working three full time jobs. And what did she get out of it? A TV show that entertains people. See, thinking of others. She's good people.

Randy - Naughty:
For all you sick freaks who have one of those dirty fantasies (you know, the ones with handcuffs, a camera, 32 ounces of mint jelly, and a llama) close your eyes and add Sarah Palin. See, she is that Naughty.

Laura Nunnery - Tie Breaker:
When this ice queen wasn't busy clogging up the airwaves with her annoying T.V. show about moose, she managed to support a possible former witch for the Delaware State Senate, confuse North and South Korea, and convince her daughter to dance in a gorilla suit on national television. She may be Bumpit's best customer, but there is no question that Sarah Palin belongs on the Naughty List!

LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 16: Actor Ryan Reynolds accepts the award for Most Anticipated Movie onstage during Spike TV's 'Scream 2010' at The Greek Theatre on October 16, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Caulfield/Getty Images)
15. Ryan Reynolds (Actor, Sexiest Man of the Year, Green Lantern)

TS - Nice:
He was voted Sexiest Man Alive this year, which I'm sure a lot of women find nice. I find it nice too since it finally takes some pressure off of me, what with having held the title for the last 6 years in a row.

Randy - Naughty:
I would just like to wish Ryan and his wife Scarlett a very merry Christm- What, divorced you say? Hmm... Naughty.

You - Tie Breaker:
This is that part where you vote again. Does he belong on the Nice or the Naughty List?


  1. I just don't see him as Hal Jordon, so naughty.

  2. Naughty! He's too much competition for the ladies' attention.

  3. I've never heard of Ryan Reynolds. Is he Debbie Reynolds' love-child?

  4. RR? I thought Mark Harmon had the honors. Wilfred B? I think you secretly have a fetish for him. I know I do. And so does Melvin.

  5. I loved the line about how BP exec Tom Landson explained it all to you. That was hilarious. Unfortunately I don't know who Ryan Reynolds is, so I'm not sure I can vote. But hold on, I'll go look him up on imdb...

    ...nope, still don't know him. Sorry.

    But if putting him on the naughty list, thereby denying him gifts, makes more gifts available for me, then naughty he is.

  6. From what the gossip rags proclaim...Naughty...naughty being around a Blakey...personally he does look nice...but I prefer Orlando Bloom ;)

  7. Have you seen his abs?!?!? Nice list, for sure. Although, I'm sure many a woman would not mind putting him on the Naughty list, if you catch my drift. (Oh my God, I'm so ashamed of the fact that I just said that. Ewwww.)

  8. I had to look twice! Ryan Reynolds looks like the Fonz in that pic

  9. The two for you guys are awesome ... ryan reynolds I'll vote as naughty because who plays two different super heroes? Focus dude!

  10. Loved this post, you and your brother are hilarious. I think Ryan belongs on the nice list, I mean what nicer thing can any hot married guy do but divorce his wife and put himself back on the market? Nice list FTW!

  11. That Wilfred Brimley is a tough egg to crack.

    I vote for Ryan on the nice list. I have my reasons but I wrote them down and the cat threw up on them.


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