Friday, December 24, 2010

2010 People - Naughty or Nice pt. 5

This week at The Non-Review, we will be debating who should be on the Nice list and who should be on the Naughty list this year. I will be arguing everyone on the list for why they've been nice and my brother Randy will be tackling the naughty. Each will ultimately be decided by an impartial third party who will serve as the tie breaker. So it's all fair and that kind of stuff. Where possible, the names of guests will be linked to their respective sites.


Votes tallied, no surprise to find that Susan Boyle made the Nice List. Though I can't help feeling it was based on her looks more than as a person. It's one of those damned if you do damned if you don't scenarios.
There'll be no voting on this last installment because of the holiday. Now on to the final batch of naughty and nice.


7. Ke$ha (singer)

TS - Nice:
...I don't know that I've ever really listened to anything by Keisha, so at the very least, she hasn't annoyed me like others, and that is nice.

Randy - Naughty:
You make me believe things that aren't true. When I first heard Tik Tok, I thought it had promise (then I heard the rest of it, crap). I saw a few pics of you and thought, wow, she's hot (then I saw your bikini pics and found you're not). The last straw was when you said you weren't a robot. Naughty.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
"What did you let me do?! Did I really dress up like an Indian and put on glow-in-the-dark-paint?! Oh god, I did! Why did you people let me do that?! How many times did I mention whiskey in my songs?! It was like 30, wasn't it?! You guys really had my back, huh?! I sang about Mick Jagger but I didn't actually...? I DID?!" = First conversation Kesha has with her close family and friends after she sobers up. Naughty list. (Really Kesha? Mick Jagger? Eww.)



47528, NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Monday November 15 2010. Emma Watson at the New York premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 at Alice Tully Hall. Emma was wearing a custom designed Calvin Klein Collection black double silk satin halter dress, paired with Calvin Klein Collection black copper anklet sandals from the Spring 2011 collection. Photograph:   Darla Khazei, PacificCoastNews.com
6. Emma Watson (Actress)

TS - Nice:
I could talk about how quiet a life she leads in comparison to other young partying celebrities. But there is something way more deserving. She will forever be worthy of the nice list for her slamming of the Twilight movies this year.

Randy - Naughty:
We watched you grow up on screen; laughing and crying with you. Yet you still went behind our backs and cut your hair and that is Naughty.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
What can you say bad about dear, sweet Emma? She's terribly kind... She's performed her role as the female lead in the world's most successful film franchise with strength and grace... She has nothing but compassion for all people... I'll tell you what you can say bad about her, her hair. Have you seen it lately? It's awful. She looks like Zac Effron if he was anorexic, and British. And that makes her more Chad Hoxie's type. Naughty List.


5. Your Mother (...your mother)

TS - Nice:
Your mother's a peach! She's got to be top 10, the sweetest women I know. Remember that time you came running home because you had a broken heart and thought the world was ending? It was your mother who was there to help pick you up and set you on your feet again. Not to mention that she makes by far, the best cookies I've ever tasted. What was that, hazelnut bits? Delicious. Don't hate on your mom, she's just too nice.

Randy - Naughty:
Oh come on, you remember all the times she made you clean your room or take out the trash. What about when she forced you to learn piano and walk the dog? How about that video where she shtupped Chad Hoxie? Or when she made you go to that kid's birthday party (you know, the one who smelled) and all the times she sent you to bed without dinner because of- wait... Hoxie?! Very Naughty!

Jacob Hickson - Tie Breaker:
You know who was Nice? Your mom.



Mar. 09, 2010 - New York, New York, United States - CHELSEA HANDLER Signs Copies Of her new book ''Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang'' .Barnes & Noble Union Square, New York City 03-09-2010. 2010.I15140BT. © Red Carpet Pictures
4. Chelsea Handler (Comedian, TV Host)

TS - Nice:
Thanks to her, I always have a constant reminder that I have no reason to watch E! May that never change.

Randy - Naughty:
So... Her sex tape got out. She's dated 50 Cent, had a big comedy tour, hosted the MTV movie awards. So why is she on the Naughty List? It may have been your after party Chelsea, but that was my drink, not yours.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
People she's made fun of: Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, Octomom, Sarah Palin, Mel Gibson, All of the Kardasians, Ryan Seacrest, etc. etc., the list goes on and on. But... she's never made fun of The Dhali Lama. And I just don't like living in a world where a foul-mouthed female comedian won't ridicule an honorable and righteous holy man. Naught... Wait, I said Mel Gibson didn't I? Oh good. Well, nevermind then. Nice list.



3. Salvation Army (Militarized Christians)

TS - Nice:
What do they do that isn't nice? Every year at Christmas, who's out there gathering donations for the poor and needy? Who's there lending a hand towards those who need help? The Salvation Army. I can't think of anything they do that would possibly be deemed naughty.

Randy - Naughty:
Used to be you were on every corner taking donations to help those less fortunate. Then it was just in front of a few supermarkets, giving less people jobs. Now you run over my cat, and when you get out of the car all you say is, "stupid cats". I hate you and your annoying Naughty bells.

Stephen - Tie Breaker:
The Salvation Army is currently active in 121 countries, doing absolutely everything in their power to relieve poverty and bring hope to millions of destitute individuals and families. They seek only to ease the pain of stress and anxiety that breeds so cruelly in the homes of people who are considered poverty stricken. It is with great pride and honor that I humbly place The Salvation Army... on the Naughty list. Because poor people are yucky.



NEW ORLEANS - AUGUST 29: Actress and Warren Easton Benefactor Sandra Bullock address attendees at the Warren Easton Charter High School Health Clinic ribbon cutting ceremony at the Warren Easton Charter High School on August 29, 2010 in New Orleans City. (Photo by James Crump/Getty Images)
2. Sandra Bullock (Actress)

TS - Nice:
I saw this documentary on how she took this poor black kid from the streets into her own home. There she and her husband Tim McGraw (I was surprised by that myself, maybe that's why she divorced Jesse James?) embraced him as one of their own. A heart warming documentary to be sure. Nothing nicer than what she did for him.

Randy - Naughty:
You know what you did. I want my money!

Anonymous - Tie Breaker:
I'm sorry, why is this even a question? Has anyone ever seen The Thing Called Love? I can forgive River Pheonix since he was clearly on a destructive path and karma cashed his check for the debt he incurred with his role in the movie. But what about Sandra Bullock's role? As far as I can tell she hasn't paid for her crimes against cinema or my ears yet. Forever Naughty List.



1. Melvin (kitten, melon enthusiast)

TS - Nice:
Melvin is not naughty, he's just misunderstood. Any curious kitten with a melon helmet is bound to be curious and playful. Not his fault if he constantly finds himself in trouble. Anyone who could look at that face and call him bad deserves to be on the naughty list theirself.

Randy - Naughty:
I don't want to do this anymore. How could I say something bad about Melvin? I know you have been on the Naughty list for years without knowing why. Can't we just leave the past in the past? I still say he was a child and didn't know what he was doing with his father's gun. You know, with his father, priest, sister, Rosemary Clooney gone, the only real account we have is from Cooper. No, I can't say anymore. I'm sorry, but again little sweet Melvin, the Naughty List.

Reputation@Stake - Tie Breaker:
Poor Melvin has lost his tail, been rained on, been locked in a closet, had a bath in a toilet, lost a fight with a ball of yarn, and has eaten glue, marbles, mushrooms, and a cup. So even if he has been a little naughty this year (there was an incident with a fishbowl), he has more than paid for it. Therefore his name should be added to the Nice List.



That's the list for this year. I'd to thank those who participated this week. It was a lot of fun reading what everyone came up with.

16 comments:

  1. Melvin couldn't make the naughty list - that poor cat's been through enough!
    Merry Christmas!

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  2. Melvin on the list is the gift I wanted for X-Mas. Haven't loved a cat like that since Heathcliff.

    By the way, you spelled Ke$ha wrong, and not only because you forgot the dollar sign. Shame on you. She's a filthy treasure.

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  3. Did Chelsea Handler's sex tape really "get out"???
    I searched high and low for it, and found nothing.

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  4. I know someone who's friend was Emma Watson's roommate her first year at Brown. Apparently one night there was a party and she came drunk into some random guys room and just started talking to him. I guess one of the things she said was, "I really love it here. Everyone seems to like me! It's so nice!!"

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  5. Chelsea Handler? Is that a name or a job?

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  6. Wasn't it Samantha Mathis, not Sandra Bullock in The Thing Called Love?

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  7. Oh shit, I just checked imdb. Both Samantha Mathis and Sandra Bullock were in it. Never mind my previous comment...

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  8. Sad to see this end....knowing you...u will come up something better and more exciting...anyways 3/4 correct votes isn't that bad is it???
    merry Christmas...stuff yourself but not too much...happy holidays....

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  9. These have been a great series of posts.

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  10. You guys did a great job with this. I laughed a lot. Merry Christmas to you and the curious cat with the melon helmet. I just want to squeeze him (not too hard, just enough to let him know he's loved). xo

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  11. Soooooooo funny....but I have to say that I feel for Randy,,,saying my sweet Melvin is NAUGHTY...for SHAME!!!


    Happy Holidays TS....love ya lots!!

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  12. Great bit Tim!
    I'm glad you ended up with Melvin. He is my hero...

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  13. 'Militarized Christians' - fantastic

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  14. Aww, shucks. My not having TV is showing. I still laughed through every word of it. Just don't get me started on the Salvation Army/ Those jerks!

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  15. I would never dare rate Melvin anything less than Nice for fear of head 'splosion. Chelsea Handler on the other hand, fail.

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