Friday, January 28, 2011

7 Word Weekend Movie Review: The Mechanic, The Rite, and more non-news

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

The Mechanic - Alternative Title: Return of the shirtless one.

The Rite - Insert generic 'Rite is wrong' joke here:______

Seconds Apart (limited) - I remember when Orlando Jones was funny(ish).

I like Jason Statham movies, even if he does feel the need to take of his shirt every other scene. I'd call the films a guilty pleasure if I actually felt any guilt about watching them, but I don't. They're almost always light on the plot and heavy on the action, and sometimes that's all I want. So while The Mechanic isn't a theater watch for me, I will happily enjoy it on DVD. 

What can I say about The Rite? Anyone who's read this column long enough should have an idea as to how I feel about exorcism movies. They generally bore the heck out of me. Coincidentally, Anthony Hopkins who used to be an interesting actor has in the past decade or so, also bored the heck out of me. So seeing this movie seems to me like one of those damned if you do... and so I won't. Ah, to remember the sweet times when Hopkins spoke of retiring. I guess it was just a beautiful dream. 

And now for some more of that stale movie news you all love so much.

The talk has been Ron Howard wanting Christian Bale to play Roland in the upcoming adaptation of The Dark Tower series. On one hand I can see it. He looks the part. The character calls for a humorless gunslinger, and if there's one thing Bale can play it's humorless. If it's another thing grim. Sullen. Sorrowful. Dark. Dreary. Okay, I'll stop. But here's the thing, he's well known for taking a character and making it bend to his interpretation of what it should be instead of what anyone else would want. He also has a penchant for horrible accents. I've always felt that Roland, powerful a character as he is, should be played by an unknown actor. Let them grow the part.

Course I'm not too keen on the idea of Howard handling the property either. But then 'how much do I really care' is another question at this point. I loved the first four books in the series with a passion. I thought (and still think) it's some of the finest writing Stephen King has ever done. The last three books however were at best mixed, and at worst, the worst. As I've said before, it might have been better for the literary world if the van had finished him off (tasteless humor... nothing but the best for you fine people). Still I suppose I'm still enough of a fan of the novels to give it all the proper fanboy angst it deserves.

Well, I'm out. Have a great weekend everyone!


  1. a mechanic with his shirt of would get all oily and dirty. O crap, the wife is going to want to see this one. How many times can the man do the exact same movie, over and over.

  2. Remember Wolfman? Beware Hopkins movies now.
    yeah, I'm checking out The Mechanic tonight. As you said, heavy on action!

  3. Alex, I think the world would be better off if we collectively agreed to never remember the wolfman.

    Sucio, I had heard he painted but I hadn't actually looked anything of his. That was rather interesting actually.

  4. Christian Bale? Penchant for horrible accents?!? OBVIOUSLY you've never seen Newsies. Obviously. It was golden.

  5. I do appreciate some good old christian bale joking. It's crazy to me because I watched the newsies a bunch when I was younger and there he was ... so santa fe loving ... and now he probably hates santa fe (along with many other things).

  6. I'll go right to the tower for starters. I LOVED the Dark Tower series. It drove me crazy though because you never knew when the next book was coming out (nor did Mr. King). As long as they are not TV movies (because they do a bad job with his), I look forward to them.

    I want to see the rest of them, but like you I'll wait until I can watch them at home.
    Thanks for the info my friend!

  7. The movie version of the 'Dark Tower' books can only end badly. I plan to avoid all news about this production until I hear universal praise for it. Bale and Howard do not inspire me.

  8. Hmmm... These movies weren't on my list before & I think they'll stay off. Did ever include True Grit in your column? I'd love to know what your thoughts are on that one...

  9. i know my step mother will be calling me up to go see the rite with her...she loves hopkins, crappy movie or not.

    signed: someone who had to sit through wolfman

  10. I think Howard will have a tough time. Though he's handled the big epic novels before in ok fashion. Yeah you really like Statham. I'm still not sure. He was ok in crank, but he's no Segal.

  11. The Mechanic I'm in...The Rite, I'm out. Enough said.

  12. I would pay money to watch Jason Statham read a phonebook. But not as much as they charge for tickets. Mechanic is a Netflix for me.

  13. After the 3 Transporters, I had enough of JS...did like crank and the movie with Jet li...I like C Bale's movies...liked him in Reign of fire and Prestige....I find King books too upsetting..the movie is out of question...
    Btw Green Hornet and 127 hours are out in theatres here...which should I watch?

  14. Why did I instantly think Taylor Lautner when you said the one without his shirt?

  15. I can only hope THE RITE disappears as quickly as it came..


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