Friday, February 11, 2011

7 Word Weekend Movie Review: Justin Bieber, Gnomeo and Juliet, and I propose we lock Adam Sandler away.

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Cedar Rapids (limited) - I love a film filled with maybes. 

The Eagle - Will it soar or be a turkey?

Gnomeo & Juliet - Against my better judgement, I'll watch it.

In Her Skin (limited) - Guy Pearce, in a crime film? Shocker...

Just Go With It - I'm this close to boycotting movie making. 

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - That's it, forget 7 words. If anyone needs me I'll be out back.

I guess it's some sort of maturing. Used to be if I saw a sword in a trailer, that was a movie I'd want to see. Now when I see a preview for something like The Eagle, my first thought is how boring it looks. Sure I still want to see a guy cleft in twain, but I want there to be a reason for it happening. I've heard some positive things about the film and it is directed by Kevin Macdonald (Last King of Scotland, State of Play) but I just can't get excited for it.

I guess it's some sort of lack of maturity. I know it can't possibly be as good as it looks but when I heard that gnome singing about coconuts on the commercial, I was sold. The cast is interesting to say the least. A film that ranges from Michael Caine to Hulk Hogan must be doing something right. Music by Elton John... well that could go either way. Frankly, I think if Shakespeare were alive to see garden gnomes performing a variation of his classic work, he would realize that this is what it was always destined to be.

I'm not a teenage girl, so the whole Bieber phenom doesn't do anything for me, and that's putting it mildly. I've never been much into pop music (unless we're talking about the song Pop Muzik by M. That's just good cheesy fun there). Which (since I really have nothing to say about a film I hope somehow catches fire in every theater, sparing the minds of youth everywhere) is sort of a weak segue into record clubs. I was revisiting 3rd Rock From The Sun the other day (it's streaming on Netflix, seemed like a good thing to do) and during one episode Harry was dealing with a CD club, and I realized suddenly how newer generations will never know the love/hate of record clubs. The pain in the butt stamps... the having to cancel before they start sending you crap... the getting friends to do it so you can get an extra few free yourself. All good stuff. 

There's a film opening in limited release this week called Orgasm Inc. Apparently it's a documentary of some sort about some serious issues or other. I just thought the name was funny (ok, another lack of maturity) and thought I'd share.

A new Adam Sandler movie is also out this weekend. I have this feeling that if you were to lock him in a room for a thousand years and then release him, he'd still make the exact same movie. Course this is an experiment I'm more than willing to try. 

My head hurts like a... it hurts too much for a metaphors, so short post this week. Have a great weekend everyone!


  1. I am all for the Adam Sandler plan. Please.... Please!!!

  2. I SO wish Ozzy Osbourn would have bitten Justin Bieber's head off in commercial. The Eagle appeals to me, so I'll be watching it. Probably not any of the rest though. I'm so OVER Adam Sandler...

  3. Seriously you watched that Bieber movie, bad, bad, bad. You couldn't drag me to it.

  4. I can't tell you how pissed off I was to see the new Adam Sandler/Jennifer Aniston 'comedy'. It's such a piece of shit that is just an example of how much a joke Hollywood thinks the rest of us are. It's the exact same movie every damn member of that cast has made a thousand times before. Sandler I expect that from because he is a frickin' idiot but how lame is Anniston to NEVER venture outside of her comfort zone. She doesn't even TRY. I am sure she gets all kinds of scripts all the time but she picks movies that are beneath even her. I have respect for Courtney Cox for at least going full retard with 'Cougar Town'. She made the effort and what do you know - it's a hit. I personally will not watch it but I can appreciate her 'trying' to connect. And after all this time you can't blame 'Friends' Jennifer. Lisa Koudrow has done some funny stuff with her life coach mini-series online and a few other things I have seen her in. You, however, will only ever be remembered for your hair and how batshit crazy Angelena Joli stole your man.

  5. I see the preview for the Eagle and I thought, not again.

    The Adam Sandler movie at least has a good marketing campaign. Tell her it is a romcom, tell him it is a sandler movie.

    cal-Kudro was in Easy A, great performance.

  6. The Eagle didn't excite me either. And I'm all for conducting the Sandler experiment. Can we throw Bieber in the room with him?

  7. I hate that you're feeling so bad right now, TS. Seems like everyone is not feeling 100% Maybe it's a sign that we all need a bit of a hiatus...

  8. My head would hurt just typing the words "Justin Bieber". Ow....ow...ow!!! SEE?!!

    Hope you feel better soon!

  9. Well maybe he would feel better if you popped into his life more often Cotton Blossom. I hurt to not see you too but I will get over it because 'i am shallow and self centered' but he won't. TS is 'complex' (I stole that speech from the 'Money Pit' - there is a funny movie for you to see if you are asking for my opinion)

  10. I hated seeing that Gnome commercial because it reminded my mother of her Snow White and Seven Dwarves garden Gnome collection. Something terrible happened to those freakin' things. Both me and my sister hated them. Somehow they went missing and got buried in our yard. I have to remind the garden guy where NOT to rottotill our yard just in case he might come across them. But that is NOT a confession you understand.

  11. Alex, dear sweet yes! Let's throw Bieber in as well. Sure it means that in a thousand years whoever is still around will have to deal with the two of them teaming up, but I'll be long dead so that's no worry for me.

    Cotton, It has occurred to me to take a hiatus but the trouble is I likes the blogging too much. I had been doing better as far as the migraines, but yesterday I just had a bad one that's carried over to today.

    Kal, I'm not a detective or anything, but something tells me you had something to do with the disappearing dwarves. And I agree, Money Pit = Hilarity.

  12. That incident was the second time ever in our lives that my sister and I teamed up to do something evil together. The first one involved the suicide of an evil dog name Tippy. For the GNOME INCIDENT, all I have to say to you is what she said to the authorities.

    "You can't prove shit" to which I mumbled under my breath - "Unless you dig over where that fresh pile of dirt is."

  13. I too will watch The Eagle, I cannot hear the B name again!!!! Does Brooklyn Decker AND Jenn not make the Sandler movie worth a go???

  14. Beiber is a HO, stop reading when i see that name :(

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  16. I feel for review crap movies without payment fot the masses...
    may checkout the Gnome and Juliet...
    Adam...can some one shut him up
    please keep this a Beiber free site....he is like Microsoft and Google...everywhere

    February 12, 2011 1:09 AM

  17. Once again, you cut straight to heart of a film with your seven word reviews....

  18. dare I say it? I kind of like Adam Sandler (he's sexy in an odd way, and I can't help watching his movies)
    but it being stinky heart weekend, I ain't going no where

  19. Why the F would they have a movie about luxurious carpets? OH, you meant BIEBER!! BTW...made you blog of the day.

  20. immaturity is for wieners, i mean winners ... heyo!!!


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