Friday, September 23, 2011

Killer Elite, Dolphin Tale 3D, Abduction: Weekend Review

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Abduction - That's the only way I'm watching it.

Killer Elite - Based on actual events... from my weekend.

Moneyball - I'd prefer a movie about Monkey Ball.

Red State (limited) - I remember when I liked Kevin Smith.

Dolphin Tale 3D - So long, thanks for all the fish.

If dolphins are so smart, how come they need us to make them prosthetic appendages? Insert joke about Flipper getting some tail here. Dolphin Tale is of course based on the true story of a young dolphin that gets caught in a crab trap and loses its tail. Expect touching moments as they band together to create a functioning prosthetic, so the young cetacean doesn't end up in the big tuna can in the sky. I'm sorry, it's not that I don't think it's a cool five minute story, but as a movie I've got no interest. I'm not anti-dolphin, but I am pro-eating crab, and I feel there'll be a negative portrayal of the crab fisher men -er, crab men... Crabbers... Crabby guys? At any rate, what was the dolphin doing in the crab trap? I have a feeling it was eating my crabs. 

All joking aside, I want crabs.

Another film based on a true story (apparently)  also opens this weekend. When I first saw a preview for Killer Elite, with Jason Statham kicking ass while tied to a chair, I thought, yes, another awesome unbelievable role for Statham. Sure he plays the same character in every film, but it's usually a fun character. And the more ridiculous the better. So when I read that it was based on a true film I was somewhat surprised. Course I then read on to discover that the legitimacy of the events in the book it's based on has been questioned ever since it was first published in '91. Now that seems more like Statham. True or not, I think it looks like fun either way. 

Abduction... Alfred Molina and Jason Isaacs make for a great combination. Unfortunately, they're not enough for me to voluntarily watch a Taylor Lautner vehicle. 

I've heard that Red State is one of those movies you'll either love or hate. Which means it's not the best idea for me to see it as I would be biased. I loved Kevin Smith years ago. Crude dialog, that was still clever. But the thing is, he's never been a really great filmmaker. The one film where he actually tried (Jersey Girl) to step out from what he was doing and attempt a real film, fell flat in the box office and he stopped trying thereafter. Funny enough, while far from being perfect (let's face it, huge parts of the film are carried on the actors alone), it's the one film of his I can still watch. And while I may occasionally quote Clerks and Dogma and Chasing Amy, I have no real interest in revisiting them. I've also had my problems with the man himself, but I try not to take that into accounting when judging films. Smith has said he intends to retire after he makes his grand two part hockey opus. I hope he does. Maybe if I go a few years without some crappy movie from him, I can begin to enjoy some of his earlier works again.

So what are you guys planning on watching this weekend?


  1. Might skip this weekend. And there was an animated film last year about a boy who befriends a wild creature and gives it prosthetic tail - it was called How To Train Your Dragon.

  2. I like mallrats, but I think I might be the only person besides Smith himself.

  3. @Alex, I loved that film, and I thought of it. This however is based on a true story.

    @Budd, I used to like mallrats, and I still quote from that too.

  4. the Mallrats audio commentary is funner than the actual movie. Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck are hilarious when it comes to making fun of themselves.

  5. Kevin Smith is a mess. The best thing I liked about his movies was Jason Lee. Especially in Dogma.
    I've really got to catch up here.

  6. Mmmm, I love crab, too... and doubt I'll see that dolphin movie...BUT....I might be tempted to watch a movie with Taylor Lautner in it. How old am I again??? Sheesh.


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