Friday, March 9, 2012

A Thousand Words, John Carter, Playback: 7 Word Weekend Review

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

A Thousand Words - I said DON'T paint me a picture.

John Carter - Boring never looked quite so awesome before.

Playback - I'm pretty sure I've seen it before.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (limited) - I did that once, on the fly...

Silent House - Sounds like a selling point to me.

Friends With Kids (limited) - I don't suppose it's actually about goats?

It's been one of those weeks. You know the ones that follow the week before, and precede the week after? Yep, one of those...

When I say boring, it's only because I've tried reading Edgar Rice Burroughs on occasion, and couldn't get into any of his books. That said, from the first drop, I've liked the look of John Carter. I like the premise, and unlike the books, it appears to move. Burn. Burroughs is probably spinning in his grave right now. Not cause he's offended mind you, it's just something he likes to do from time to time. It may not age well, which isn't necessarily a good sign when you're basing it off of previews, but it looks like it should be fun for at least a once through.

Unlike A Thousand Words, which begs the question: Why? the premise in the hands of the right team could be fantastic. A guy who says anything to get what he wants, suddenly cursed with a limited amount of words. Could be funny, and deep. Instead it's in the hands of Steve Koren whose post Seinfeld and SNL days have seen him pen such atrocities as Bruce Almighty and Click. It's directed by Brian Robbins whose resume reads like a motivational poster in hell. Finally it stars Eddie Murphy who was once funny and occasionally shows us glimpses of that, before descending back into the quagmire of banality. That said, it just feels like the kind of crappy film perfect for a rainy day when nothing else is on. So yeah, it's an eventual watch.

I have a rule of thumb when it comes to horror, and well most films in general. If it has Christian Slater in it, I'll wait for someone to convince otherwise that it's worth seeing. Mind you this rule obviously applies to more recent Christian Slater, as he once upon a time made good movies. Playback looks essentially to be The Ring, except that instead of you dying, you kill others. Actually for a one liner, that sounds pretty good, which means I'm clearly building it up wrong. I'll say this, of the two horror films out this weekend, the other being Silent House, this one looks much better. Silent House tries to thrive off the gimmick of it being shot in real time with one continuous take. Novel, but that's not enough for me. It also happens to be a remake. No surprise right? Right.

My winner this week is John Carter. Big action films are made for the big screen. My second choice though is Friends With Kids. In a nutshell it's about two friends who decide to have a child together, but otherwise still date other people. It should be fun, in all the wrong ways. Plus, it has Chris O'Dowd in it, and by now if you've followed this site long enough, you should know that makes it an automatic watch for me. 

Earlier today I went to youtube to watch a commercial that a friend was talking about. In order to watch it though, it made me first watch an ad. In that moment, when I was watching a commercial while waiting to watch a commercial, I swear time froze for a moment. Suddenly an angel descended from the sky (presumably, I was inside, so it actually came through the ceiling) and whispered in my ear the secrets to the universe. When it was finished, a portal in the sky (ceiling) opened and the angel returned. After that, time resumed. If you're wondering, no there wasn't a point, I just wanted to share what happens when one is faced with the absurdity of watching a commercial to watch a commercial.

Have a great weekend everyone.


  1. The Barsoomian series was some of his first work and apparently gets better as it goes along. I read the first in the series and it does drag, not due to action, but due to the writing.

  2. I had never even heard of John Carter before this movie came out. I see disappointment in its future.

  3. I just had to listen to a lecture last night from my father in law about how awesome ERB was. Never read him...and may not ever now!

    So...are you going to share the angel's secrets to the universe with the rest of us, or condemn us to torture by watching a commerical to watch a commercial?

  4. Watching a commercial to watch a commercial - what has mankind come to?
    Seeing John Carter tonight!

  5. 'the absurdity of watching a commercial to watch a commercial' That describes everything aliens need to know about this planet.

  6. I saw the previews to John Carter in the theatre and there is no lack of action. Not sure what it's all about but looks intense. It will push me to see it. Don't really care about any of the others.

    BTW, one of the signs of the apocalypse is commercials during commercials. It's like reading tea leaves...

  7. Oh yeah, John Carter looks like it'd be ok for the theatre since it's probably mindless action. If I end up being not productive today, that may be in my near future.

    I had to look up a trailer to see if John Carter was what I thought it was. That sentence is terrible. Anyhow, I recognized the main dude, imdb'd him (yes that's a verb), and his last name is Kitsch!

    Really?? An actor with that last name? Is he secretly mocking all movies/shows he's in? Well, not so secretly maybe, since it's his last name.

  8. I haven't a clue about what John Carter is all about, but it looks awesome! Silent House, is one of the best titles ever, I hope it holds up to the name (and the original).
    Thanks Tim!


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