10 Ways Bacon is Better Than Children
10. Bacon doesn't throw fits in the store until it gets the toy it swears it was promised.
9. Children eat all the bacon, never once has bacon eaten all the children.
8. The cost of raising children has gone up thousands of dollars in the last decade. The cost of bacon, about a dollar.
7. Children want you to take them to the zoo and other such places. Bacon wants you to sit on the couch with a plate of itself.
6. Children actually cause more heart attacks than bacon each year.*
5. When children age, they can become bitter. When bacon is aged it becomes even more delicious.
4. Children are our future. Bacon is all about living in the moment.
3. You'll never hear me say, "I don't like other people's bacon."
2. If a child is bad, you have to correct it and teach it until it knows better. If a bacon is bad, you throw it out and go get more bacon. Not that bacon would ever be allowed to go bad.
1. Children make you get up in the morning. Bacon gives you a reason to.
*Clinical studies are still ongoing.