Friday, May 29, 2015

Letters From Superheros Issue #2: Batman vs Superman

Dear Bruce,

It is out of respect to our friendship that I address this letter to you rather than to Wayne Enterprises's subsidiary, Gotham Noodle Co. Recently I have had issue with one of their products. I know you're a busy (Bat)man (wink;)), so I don't know how familiar you are with the product line. Having enjoyed several Bucket'O-Noodles in the past, it was with great interest that I picked up their newest flavor, 'Ragin' Ramen', which boasts a "delicate blend of seasonings and jalapenos."

I don't have many, what you might call, "allergies," so I happily ignored the peanut warning and added it to my shopping cart. The next day for lunch I was ready to indulge. I settled into my usual routine -Park bench; laptop where I could watch my stories, and of course my noodles. No one was around so I did the old heating it with my laser vision trick, and promptly dug in. It is there that the horror began.

I have no issue with the flavors. Gotham Noodle Co. has always been on the cutting edge when it comes to Ramen. What I do take issue with is almost being killed. When you include a warning about peanuts, you might also think to mention that it's made in a plant that processes Kryptonite. Imagine my surprise when I woke up in the hospital. You better believe the doctors who took care of me got a good laugh when they saw the big "S" under my shirt. Naturally there was nothing they could do but treat the symptoms. The Kryptonite had to pass through my system.

And oh, wasn't that a fun time in bathroom. Like eating Taco Bell for a straight week.

Rather than pursuing any legal recourse, I am sending you my medical bills. My insurance could cover them, but I see no reason for them to pay out, when it's a result of your company's negligence. And in the future I suggest not processing Kryptonite near food, or at all for that matter. Seriously, there's no reason to mess around with that stuff.

Anyhoo, hope all is well with you. See you at the next meeting.



  1. HA! If he wanted great Ramen, he should have flown to Japan, He's Superman for heaven's sake!

  2. ROFL the idea that Batman accidentally processes kryptonite is gut-bustingly funny! I'm sure it'll be an awkward meeting.


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