Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The Greatest Lists Of All Time - A List

We all love reading lists, and web writers sure do love coming up with them. With that in mind we've compiled a list of the greatest lists of all time.

10. Richest People in The World

There's no better way to supplement your Monday morning's subway ride to the office then reading all about those rich bastards. While you're quietly counting down the minutes of your life, they're watching them fly by in a world of champagne and excess. 

Pro Tip: Make sure to get on Twitter later and tell them off for the mistakes they've made in their lives.

9. Things to Do/Read/Watch/Hear Before You Die

We don't know about you, but when we're searching for new entertainment, we only do so with forethought to our own mortality. 

Pro Tip: Keep a calendar of all the days you plan on living, so you can pencil in what other people feel you should enjoy with your brief time on earth.

8. The Greatest Works of _______

You love their ____. We love their ____. After all, _____ is known for the special way they took that genre by storm, really making ____ their own. God, I love _____!

Pro Tip: Tell us in the comments why ____ should have included ____ on their list of _____'s best works.

7. Safest Cars

Who cut corners? Who put in too many corners? It's the fast paced world of Car Safety lists and you're in for the ride of your life. Your safety? Your family's safety? It's all in your hands now.

Pro Tip: Ignore the ratings and go buy a used car from a few years back that you can actually afford.

6. Fails

Lulz, what a bunch of n00bs, amiright? You could watch a boring documentary about something science has done to better our lives, or you could watch a guy get nailed in the nuts with something heavy. We know which one we'd prefer.

Pro Tip: Watch those same scientists explain the science of how that guy survived such a brutal nuts bashing.

5. Runway Fashion

Who wore it best? Who wore least? Scrape that mustard/baby vomit/we'd rather not know the details of that stain, off your shirt and check out the latest styles. You should have been a designer, damn it, 'cause Versace, ain't got spit on you.

Pro Tip: No one noticed your new haircut.

4. The Best Places to Eat In _____

True, we've never been to such exotic locals as France, Italy, or Buffalo, but we sure do love reading and watching other people taste food we know we'll never try.

Pro Tip: Pack the lettuce in a separate Ziploc bag so your sandwich doesn't get soggy before lunch.

3. TIE - Crime & Obesity Rates in US Cities

A veritable Who's Who of fatties and violent offenders, these lists cater to our love of shaming other states and cities than our own. Now if someone would just do a cross-indexed list of the two, we'd be in violent-fatty heaven.

Pro Tip: Suck it, Raleigh!

2. Greatest Villains/Heroes of All Time

Sure this list changes every few weeks, and varies in quality from site to site, but who doesn't love rereading the same information, about the same characters you already knew, without any new insights?

Pro Tip: You're not even remotely the first to try the Darth Vader is both the greatest villain and hero angle.

1. Mom's Shopping List, 3rd Grade, Spring - 1993

Are you kidding us? A list that included both Lunchables and Ecto-Cooler. The only thing that could top that would be... Oh, hell, yes - Dunkaroos is on the list as well!

Pro Tip: If the only good thing that comes from the new Ghostbusters film is a return of Ecto-Cooler, it would be worth it.

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