Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Non-Review: Avatar - Reviewed by Na'muuch

When James Cameron first approached me about the possibility of doing a movie about my life, I was honored. After all the man is a legend, and I'm just an average guy from another planet. I mean sure I led my people in a victory against an imposing force, but it really wasn't as huge as everyone made it out to be. Nevertheless I had been anticipating this movie for some time. Even when the production time continued to run on, my excitement never waned. But then I was invited to a private screening and watched as I was misrepresented time and again.

Where to start, where to start...

I guess I'll start with my biggest issue. I understand the need to try and make the story more accessible to humans, but the whole notion of a man playing me is ridiculous. I'd never even met a human before James visited me in my little village of Enu. Don't get me wrong, I like Sam Worthington, but the notion of some paraplegic coming to my planet in another body, just so that you can sort of tell my story? That's just silly.

Then again is the whole issue of being at odds with the Humans. Again, we've had basically no interaction. We were at odds with the Guinea Worms of the left hemisphere. It was they who brought a war against us after a misunderstanding. I led my people against the Worms, and we fought bravely. Then when we could have crushed them, we showed mercy, and made a peace pact with them. The whole affair was over in less than a week.

One thing that left me with a big question mark was the design of my people. Why do we look like cats? Yes we're blue, but we're a tiny plump people. Not fat, mind you, our bodies are just built with a lower center of gravity. Maybe it's not as 'cool' or as 'sexy' as a cat person, but we are what we are, and we're a proud people.

I know everyone has talked about how technically amazing this film is, but I still question why he couldn't just use actors from my planet. My people love the theater and have long participated in plays and local movies. Last year Menui D'lorr, who some have referred to as the N'avi (again a small thing, but why change where the apostrophe is in our name?) Cary Grant, broke box office records with his movie "Three steps Till Tuesday." Many of my people had been hoping to get their shot at acting on another planet. Which reminds me...

Why did the Humans need protection on our planet? We breathe in a normal oxygen level comparable to that of earth's. It might have made the movie more interesting for Mr. Cameron, but it once again misrepresented us. Not to mention it's going to really cut down on the tourism, if any of the known races buy that coming to our planet means death.

In the end I have to say I'm hugely disappointed. If you're a Human looking to enjoy the latest Hollywood blockbuster, I'm sure you'll fall in love with it. If however you're a N'avi looking to see a classic tale about our beloved home, STAY AWAY FROM AVATAR!

2.5 out of 10

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