Friday, February 19, 2010

The Back Page (non-obits)

Any Respect I Had Left For Jason Alexander
1998 - 2010

Any respect that remained for the once Seinfeld heavy weight died this past Tuesday. While I was never the greatest fan Seinfeld, I did enjoy it at times, and often thought Jason Alexander was quite funny. Ever since the show ended though, my respect for Mr. Alexander has been on life support. With the recent commercials for Jenny Craig, the plug has officially been pulled. If he had gone with Nutrisystem, it could be excused, even applauded, for his getting fit. But alas, he went with Jenny Craig. No plans for a memorial have been made as of yet.

1986 - 2010

Fans of the famous Swiss penguin will be disheartened to learn that Pingu has died. Known for his mischievous antics and love of fish, Pingu spoke to several generations of children. Most people are unaware that after the controversial episode that showed Pingu drinking and urinating was banned, Pingu in real life developed a substance abuse problem. Pending the results of an autopsy, police have declined speculating on whether or not Pingu OD'd in his summer home. He is survived by his sister Pinga and fiancee Pingi.

Bag of Doritos
2010 - 2010

Dude, me and Billy totally killed this bag of Doritos. We were in his mom's basement on a couch that's basically taped together, when we got the munchies (if you know what I mean). I told Billy "dude, you get the chips, I'll spray the air freshener so your dad won't know." Billy, he was all. "Yeah, ok, but find something good to watch. I am majorly tripping right now." And then we dove in. It was a short life but Doritos will be missed.


Dick Van Patten
1928 - 

Proving that 8 decades is indeed not enough, Dick Van Patten continues to be one tough mother. Having survived a stroke years back, Van Patten  proves his metal every day. While he is best known for his role on 8 is enough, I choose to remember him for his guest appearance on Boy Meets World as an Amish farmer. Also he continues to have the 2nd funniest name in the universe, directly after Dick Button. For a lifetime of service, we salute you sir.


  1. This post cracks me up and I had no idea he was doing Jenny Craig commercials. The shame. Doritos are one of those snacks that don’t last very long, so I completely understand. That is so random that DVP was on Boy Meets World as an Amish farmer. It doesn’t get more random than that. Dick Button is a very funny name.

  2. The funny thing is I remember watching a boy meets world rerun at like 3 in the morning some years back when I was sick. I was lying there watching this Amish farmer and suddenly I'm like "Is that dick van Patten?"

    Now that's random. lol

  3. I heard that Pingu OD'd on mercury-poisoned bacon. I though penguins were more discerning on what types of pork they ingest. He should have stuck to Doritos.

  4. Your are f'ing hilarious...
    Your blog is the first one I look at everyday. I never know where you are gonna take me...

  5. My wife constantly mocks me for my love of 'Boy Meets World'! Feeney! Feeney!

  6. Joe, if that's the lesson other Swiss penguins learn then at least his death will not have been in vain.

    Pat, thanks a lot, always glad to hear I'm giving people a laugh or two.

    AsBlack, LOL, the show was just brilliant. I still quote from it.

  7. TS - I cannot believe that Dick Van Patten was still alive. I even IMDB'ed it to make sure. Could've sworn he was pushing daisies. Glad to hear he's not, don't get me wrong.

  8. I don't blame you for checking. Since I usually write these ones out a couple days before when I have time, I check before publishing just to make sure they didn't die in the interim.

  9. I'm totally jealous of your cleverness and sense of humor. Your blog is awesome, Keep up the good work!!


  10. Maybe Jason has the hots for Jenny. ??

  11. last week our group held a similar talk on this topic and you show something we have not covered yet, thanks.

    - Kris


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