Max Eisenhardt (a.k.a. Magneto)
1927 - 2010
Friend to some, enemy to most, famed mutant Magneto died this Wednesday. Magneto, who lived through the holocaust, and survived battles with other powerful mutants, seemingly had no weakness. However this was not the case as the apparent cause of death was beef poisoning. Long time friend Charles Xavier commented on his friend's passing by saying, "I was saddened to hear the news. I'd often warned Erik about his love of consuming large quantities of beef, but he just wouldn't listen." Those expected to attend the funeral include Raven Darkhölme, Cain Marko, and Susan Summers.
1223 - 2010
Surprising news out of Boise this week, when it was announced that chivalry was dead. Witnesses to the event claim to have seen Patricia Walter, a local teacher, entering a restaurant with her date Thomas Redding. As they approached the entrance Tom suddenly stopped and waited for her to open the door for him. Later when the check came, Thomas claimed to have "not thought to bring his wallet along with him." Chivalry is survived by Patriotism, and Common Sense.
Stick Figure John
1988 - 2010
Tragedy struck this week. Beloved binder doodle Stick Figure John, passed away this week. Over his short life, John appeared on many binders, often without people realizing his name. Quite often he could be seen dancing like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately for John, there isn't one. A memorial will be held this Sunday when he is carried out in the trash.
July 17, 1912 -
The world was stunned this week to learn that Art Linkletter is still alive. A television and radio legend, Art hosted several different shows, including People Are Funny and House Party. Well known for the comedic interviews he did with children, this was later reworked in Kids Say the Darndest Things. A friend of Walt Disney he appeared in many Disney shows as well. At one time he even put out a set of Children's Encyclopedias that bore his name. While everyone is reeling from the news of your longevity, let me be the first to say, congratulations and here's to another 97 years.