Thursday, March 11, 2010

Non-Review: Green Zone - Reviewed by Jason Bourne

You never realize how much you miss seeing yourself on screen till you're sitting there in a theater scoping a giant you. And let me tell you, this latest in the Bourne series, once again brought to us by Paul Greengrass and Matt Damon, doesn't disappoint.

True a few things seem to be off. There are a few liberties taken with my life story that didn't really make sense. For instance I don't remember ever being involved in Iraq. Well not openly. I did play a part there, but it was more cursory. I also noted that I had no memory problems in the film. What's the deal? I know my memory is screwy, but I think I'd remember not forgetting.

A lot of the story seemed made up. There were bits and pieces that clicked with my life, but even the timeline was screwy. The film places me in Iraq in 2003 in some military capacity. Anyone who's watched the first three movies knows that doesn't line up with the events in those movies. I was still struggling for answers about myself; far to busy to find out the shady goings on in Iraq.

As far as the action goes... the first three were more true to form. I have a stylish fighting style. Green Zone has me in more of a straight punch and guns scheme. I was trained to be an elite killer, not for standard barroom scrums. Where's the imaginative choreography that was previously exhibited? It's almost as if Paul wanted it to seem more real.

Ultimately this movie is a decent foray into a part of my life I don't remember. There's all kind of intrigue and plot twists I didn't see coming, and I apparently lived it, so imagine how caught off guard you'll be.

Oh and one other thing. I've never met Greg Kinnear, so why was he in this?

7 out of 10


  1. Very creative review!!!!

  2. I love this non-review. Very creative and a wonderful read!

  3. Jason Bourne is awesome. Great non-review!!

    My Thoughts

  4. I think I'm gonna see this one.
    Say, I really like you in Dogma also...

  5. What's up with Jason Bourne saying in his most recent interview that even after filming multiple action movies, and even a rugby movie, that the biggest injury while filming any movie was a separated rib while filming 'Bagger Vance'?

  6. Haha. Fantastic. I feel like he has to stop working out for a while for me to picture him as anything other than action dude.


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