Thursday, April 22, 2010

Non-Review: The Back-up Plan - A Shrunken Head Review

Thomas: Hello and welcome once again, to another Shrunken Head Review. Today we will be reviewing The Back-up Plan, starring Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin. The film is a romantic comedy about a woman who is artificially inseminated before meeting the man of her dreams.

Smith: Hilarity, theoretically ensues.

Thomas: I take it you didn't like the movie?

Smith: No, I nothing the movie. It was what it was.

Thomas: And that being?

Smith: Knocked up-lite.

Thomas: Admittedly there are some similarities, but they really go in two different directions.

Smith: Yeah, they go in the PG-13, safe direction. There's no real conflict-resolution in this story. Just a watered down comedy being force fed to the masses.

Thomas: You haven't been reading that pamphlet again, have you?

Smith: They make some valid arguments.

Thomas: Communism is not the answer.

Jeffrey: It's a red herring.

Thomas: What?

Jeffrey: You know, like in Clue... Never mind. What are we talking about?

Thomas: We're discussing The Back-up Plan.

Jeffrey: Oh, right. Yeah I loved it. I thought it was great. Alex O'Loughlin, just became a new favorite of mine.

Smith: O'Loughlin? He's just as generic an the movie is. One of these ringers they bring in to ensure that their so called "leading lady" who has all the personality of a damp sock, doesn't get outshined. Outshone? Outshined, out shone?

Thomas: Yes, one of those is a word. Smith calls the movie generic, what do you think Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: I'd call it comfortable.

Smith: And that's a good thing?

Jeffrey: Absolutely. It's like an old pair of jeans you wear out when you don't have to worry about dressing up. You already know every contour, and every line. There's no worries about whether or not it'll fit. Over the years it has conformed to your shape. And that's what this movie is.

Smith: That in itself is a cliché. Oh my sweet lord, is this what we've transgressed to as a society; using a cliché as an analogy for a redundancy? Damn you Jennifer Lopez, you're destroying our civilization!

Thomas: Speaking of Jennifer Lopez, what did you think of her performance?

Smith: What performance? She's a jiggling ass. That's all anyone's ever cared about. Even as a singer, no one would have listened to her if she hadn't been whoring herself out in her videos. Quick, off the top of your head, hum one of her tunes. Can't think of one, can you?

Jeffrey: "Used to have a little, now I got a lot. I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block." I love her. She makes me feel tingly.

Smith: Seriously? She's what now, 50? Which is another point, isn't she too old to be having a baby?

Thomas: She's 40, perfectly within reason.

Smith: Whatever. I'm sick of watching these types of movies. How come we can't ever review something like Kick-Ass? I wanted to see that, but no... we had to watch this crap.

Thomas: I saw Kick-Ass. That was a fantastic movie.

Jeffrey: Hells yeah it was. I wanted a sequel before I even got half way through the movie. The action was fantastic.

Smith: How'd you see Kick-Ass? I thought we had to see The Back-up Plan.

Jeffrey: For the review, yes. You don't think we're only supposed to watch what we were reviewing, do you?

Smith: ...no, course not.

Thomas: Ok, this just got sad. I think I better wrap it up. For my part, I felt the movie was indeed generic, but if you walk into the theater thinking otherwise, then you have only yourself to blame. It isn't going to win any awards for originality, but does work as a decent date night flick. Jennifer Lopez puts in a performance that's not extraordinary, but perfunctory, and Alex O'Loughlin doesn't really stand out here. Though that could just be the material. Final verdict: okay film that will probably find a home on video with couples, before being shortly doomed to basic cable hell for eternity. Any last thing you guys would care to add?

Smith: You're all just a bunch of capitalistic pigs who'll watch a movie simply so you can envision smacking some overrated celebrity's ass.

Jeffrey: In communist Russia, ass smacks you!

11 comments:

  1. I liked this. Not for the review content, but for the Clue and Family Guy references. Bahahahahahahahahaha! :)

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  2. That Smith has quite the potty mouth. Great review heads!!!

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  3. One of these days I'm going to see a new movie before you review it. I'll probably regret not waiting for review, but I'm going to do it anyway. I haven't been to the theater since Sherlock Holmes, so there's no telling when this is going to happen. So until then, I'm glad you and your other three heads are hard at work.

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  4. "...using a cliché as an analogy for a redundancy"

    THAT sir is just good writing.

    I must be losing it because I am starking to believe that those three guys are real.

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  5. Knocked Up lite? The un-lite is what made Knocked Up good. I'll pass.

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  6. Hahaha.

    Communist Russia. Excellent.

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  7. Wow! I didn't realize the movie was a new one until I read one of the earlier comments. I thought the boys had just reviewed whatever it was that they had in fact, watched on cable hell.

    So she's still making movies, huh?

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  8. "She's a jiggling ass"....ROFLMAO!!! Thanks...I need that this morning!

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  9. I come for the review and stay for the hilarity between the hosts. Awesomeness.

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  10. Great review! I hate this movie.... I haven't seen it.... But I hate it....

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  11. This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I enjoy seeing websites that understand the value of providing a prime resource for free. I truly loved reading your post. Thanks!

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