Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Non-Interview: Mel Brooks

Non-Review: Welcome sir, it is truly an honor.
Non-Mel: Sorry so late.

Non-Review: Don't worry about it. I would easily have waited another 30-40 seconds before leaving. What's that you're holding out to me?
Non-Mel: Here are my answers. 

Non-Review: Answers? No, no, no... this isn't that kind of a thing. I'm going to ask you some questions and then you just respond to them. No need for pre-written answers.
Non-Mel: Whatever questions u use for 'em is fine with me.

Non-Review: Well, thanks... I'll just put them down here for the moment. Let me ask you; comedies these days can go pretty much anywhere in terms of material. The Hangover for instance, a huge film last year, has material that couldn't have even been considered when you were starting out. How different is it for you now, working in today's industry?
Non-Mel: Me? You want to know my thoughts? Oy, I'd say Bradly Cooper probably has the best chest hair and male nipples.

Non-Review: ...ok. I was just- never mind. Spaceballs is a classic. It has a cult following, and you even had a go at making a cartoon version a couple years back. What was the best thing for you personally about making the original?
Non-Mel: Loved, loved John candy in the dog suit. I got goose bumps everytime I yelled action.

Non-Review: Ha ha, he's my favorite thing about the movie. Now, a more personal question if that's alright? Nectarines or plums?
Non-Mel: I'd say a good nectorine trumps a ripe plum any day.

Non-Review: I'd certainly agree with you there. If you could work with anyone in the world, who would it be?
Non-Mel: I'd really love to work with Marlon Brando. Oh he's dead? Then no one in particular.

Non-Review: You've put in a lot of work in your lifetime. When you're not working, what hobbies do you like to fill your weekends with? 
Non-Mel: My favorite Sunday activity is swimming nude in the east river with Joan rivers. Great gal. Helluva breast stroke.

Non-Review: J.R.R. Tolkien is quoted as saying, "most English-speaking people, for instance, will admit that cellar door is 'beautiful' especially if dissociated from its sense (and from its spelling)." With your mastery of language, do you have a favorite phrase or word? Something that really moves you?
Non-Mel: Sent from my iPhone

Non-Review: Great, that should do it. Thank you for taking the time. It was a plea-
Non-Mel: [exiting without another word]

Special thanks to Copyboy of Not Worth Mentioning for playing the part of Non-Mel-Brooks. If you don't already follow his blog, I can't recommend it enough. He comes up with some of the most bizarre and funny things this side of the blogosphere. 

And if you'd like to participate in a future Non-Interview, drop me a line and we'll set it up.


  1. YES!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!

  2. Plums are swell. So is John Candy. Not really sure who that other guy is.

    Y'all are fun.

  3. I loves me some John Candy (Uncle Buck is my favorite) but I HATE HATE HATE 'Space Balls'. It's one of only two movies I have ever walked out on after paying my money. I hate it. I find the comedy so very weak - like the script was written in one afternoon. This is the dealbreaker movie for me. I would rather date someone who chews the skin off her own fingers than someone who likes that movie - and I hate anything that has to do with the mutilation of fingers or the cutting off of fingers.

  4. Mel fascinates me with his utterly bizarre actions, but I would not want to be stuck in a room with him.

    And now I'd like to guess Cal's second movie, that he walked out on:
    The Care-Bears Movie?
    No, no, wait ... that can't be it. I'm sure he saw that twice. Let's see...
    Waterworld? No.
    Dude, Where's My Car? No.
    Oh, I'm sure I've got it this time:
    Yeah, that's gotta be it. 1 point for me!

  5. TS already knows what the second movie I walked out of was. Would anyone else like to guess? Bonus points for picking the movie I went to see after walking out the second time.

  6. Napoleon Dynamite? That's a serious guess, I'm not trying to be funny.

  7. Ha ha "sent from my iPhone" ... that would be Copyboy.

  8. Was it Snakes on a Plane, Cal?

    TS and CB, great job. Loved the breast stroke and iphone lines.


  9. That was hilarious!! The Joan Rivers breast stroke had me gagging for air!

  10. That was friggin' classic!

    "Mongo only pawn in game of life."

  11. funny stuff.

    'I bet she gives great helmet'

    I would like to participate in a non-review my good sir.

  12. Excellent job getting the "cellar door" reference from Donnie Darko in there. Just thinking of Drew Barrymore saying those words is good enough for me. Well played sir!



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