Monday, August 2, 2010

10 things I hate about having Safeguard in my eyes.

This last Tuesday I had an unfortunate series of events. Sorting through some flood damaged stuff in storage (a lot of stuff to throw out but I did find that some old pictures had partially washed out leaving these psychedelic photos behind. Pretty cool stuff actually) my allergies began to kick up. I have some pretty severe mold allergies so I decided to stop for the day. Got back to my place and headed in for a quick shower. While washing my face I slid causing my fingers, fully lathered with soap, to jam into my eyes. 

Normally if one gets soap in the eyes you just rinse them out. However, I'm apparently allergic to Safeguard because my eyes swelled shut instantly, trapping the soap in them. Felt like knives being jammed into my eyes. Worse was the fact that it didn't seem like my eyes were even watering, which was my hope of clearing out the soap. A bit later as I tried prying my eyelids open to flush them, I found that they had been watering, it had just been trapped behind the swelling.

Needless to say spending the day with painful, swollen eyes is not fun. The next couple days they were very sensitive. Actually they still are a bit in the mornings. All this is just the back story so that you'll understand my list.

And also that Safeguard is the devil.

10) The whole seeing thing is something I've grown to like.

9) I'm not like other people, pain hurts me.

8) Don't tell anyone, but I'm Superman. Ever try to fly with your eyes closed?

7) I'm none too keen on people calling me names like 'Popeye' and 'Magoo'.

6) Hearing those annoying Progressive commercials may be better on the eyes, but it's murder on the ears.

5) Finding out sadly, just how addicted to technology I am.

4) If it wouldn't burn me, I'd like to punch the sun.

3) Five words: The Day of the Triffids.

2) Just because you can't see doesn't mean you get radar in your head. Marvel lies to me again.

1) All sunglasses, regardless of style, make me look like a Mexican policeman from the 70's.


  1. the list was great and funny, but MAN o' MAN, that must have hurt.

    Dangers like that is why I gave up bathing...

  2. That sucks! Maybe next time you can take advantage of the "Ponch" look?

  3. I promise to feel bad for you after I stop laughing. That's what you get for wanting to be clean.

  4. TS! Sorry I have not been by lately. As always, quality stuff! I was just thinking about putting Safeguard in my eyes when I read this! Glad I came by when I did!

  5. You don't use Johnson's Head-to-Toe Baby Wash? No more tears, man.


    Frank Ponchellero is HOT! (Does that make you feel any better? 'Cause it makes me feel kinda dirty.)

  6. Somebody should write to the Safeguard people and ask them to change its name. Because that doesn't sound very safe at all!

  7. That was a grade-A laugh outloud story! The list topped it off...I particularly liked the "punching the sun" item. I am adding that to my list of great quotes!

  8. Ugh, I feel your pain, dude :( I have contacts, and I'll get pink eye / conjunctivitis every couple of years as a result. One day, I woke up and my left eye was completely crusted shut. When I got it open, my eye was essentially red. It was the grossest thing I've ever experienced in my life.

  9. That is so horrible. Soap in the eye, but you have to be allergic too. Man what a BAD day.

  10. The fact that you referenced Daredevil and soap in the eyes in the same post shows what kind of blog genius you are. haha

  11. Oh my, you were blindsided by that one. Sorry, for your pain and for the terrible joke that may have brought it back.
    I hope you've fully recovered.

  12. least now you have clean eyes...

  13. Ha ha, dude.....your list is hilarious....but cripes, that had to HURT and HURT BIG TIME. OUCH. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.

  14. oh man , I feel your pain, and for the whole DareDevil thing to kick in you gotta wait a few weeks if it does not arrive phone Marvel's customer service line and ask for Foggy Nelson.

  15. LOL Mexican policeman is the funniest analogy I've heard in a long time. I didn't even know you could be allergic to Safeguard.

  16. Oh my God! My eyes are hurting out of sympathy for yours!


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