Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Middle Tennessee Summer Fashion Tips

With the all the heat waves that have been sweeping through the country, it's clear that summer came with a vengeance this year. Now there are any number of ways of enjoying the bountiful sunshine but the question is: What to wear? Whether you live in the north or the south, the east or the northwest it's always important to stand out. So with that in mind I'm here to provide you with some fashion tips I've picked up since moving to Tennessee.

It's all about the accessories.

Choosing the right accessories to compliment an outfit can be difficult. For instance, if you're a man in your late 30's, wearing short shorts and a wife beater, should you carry a beer or a pack of cigarettes? You can't just walk into any old local convenience store to pick up a copy of Guns & Cows monthly without looking the part.

Here are some neat ways to accessorize:
  • What you don't take is just as important. Leave those shoes at home!
  • Small children make excellent can holders
  • Gold chains will burn a neck under a hot sun. That just proves you're a man.
  • Women, don't take a purse, there are plenty of places on the body to carry cash and cards.
  • Strange-guy-always-walking-but-never-going-anywhere, don't forget you half empty plastic bag.

The next thing to look at is the actual ensemble. Accessories only help so much. You have to set the tone with something striking. But just as there are key things to remember when choosing accessories there are even more when it comes to putting an outfit together.

Some things to remember:
  • Skin cancer is sexy. Nothing says this more than walking out the door with no shoes, no shirt and no apologies.
  • The amount of skin to show should be directly proportionate to how attractive and how much you weigh. The less attractive and the more you weigh, the less you should put on.
  • Tube top or not tube top is not the question. The question is how small of a tube top can you squeeze into?
  • If you're a guy, remember not to shower for several days. The layer of silt that collects on you will look like a shirt when you're not wearing one.
  • Sock with flip flops and tennis shoes are no-no's. When in doubt, skip the footwear and just go out in socks.
  • If you don't have any stained white tee shirts, what are you waiting for? Get to staining.

I hope these tips will help you out when choosing an outfit of your own. So the next time you show up at a party wearing a powder blue sleeveless shirt, tennis shoes with no socks and a small child on your hip who's carrying your beer, don't be surprised if everyone stares. Sheer jealousy at such a trendy dresser.


  1. Finally! A use for all those small children I have around the house! Thanks, TS!

  2. Ha ha, you said "no shirts, no shoes and no apologies" that had me laughing. Ha ha!

    I gotta say I love going down south and wearing these sleeveless tanks and things I'd never wear up here in NJ. I feel like I can be my fat-self down there and nobody cares. Telling you, we're trying to move to Florida. We really are!

  3. Man, I've been doing it wrong all this time?! Better swing by Walmart later for some supplies....

    Funny stuff!

  4. No apologies indeed!

    If you only knew how many of those items I am guitly of. I've NEVER carried a purse... or even a diaper bag. So do tell... Where are all these mysterious *places* you speak of. (I do keep a pen in my hair... but haven't figured out where to store my keys?)

    I stopped leaving my shoes at home years ago! I just keep them in the car now. (Ya never know when you're gonna need to blend in.)

    My husband's work "uniform", is a white t-shirt and jeans... he's a farmer so every one of them is stained a light brownish-orange.

    Cows and Guns? Those are my LIFE.

    I'm glad to know that we'll fit in nicely when I load up the family in the style of cousin Eddie from the Griswald's and show up at your place for summer vacation. Lookin' forward to it.

  5. You had me laughing pretty much through the whole thing, but when I got to the socks and flip-flops part, I roared!

  6. Great tips! Although is it still okay to go out with a greasy, worn baseball cap?

  7. And they always seem to drive a camaro...I know cause you are talking about my people...

  8. 'Cows and Guns?'. I disapprove of their gun policy but appove of their cow policy. So you can see that 'fickle' me is torn.

    Like I always say. Wearing a belly shirt means you DON'T have a belly. It's name is the opposite of what it actual is.

    Ah, the flip flop. Your way of showing the world that you have given up.

  9. My, my. I haven't seen anyone in CA wearing a tank top in decades. Sounds like you were better off when you couldn't pry your eyes open.

  10. I second BB. You've solved a life long question civilization has been pondering.

  11. Wow, Tennessee has as many bordering states as it does letters in its name. Your blog is so educational.

  12. See, this is why people detour around Tennessee...that lifestyle is either too appealing or contagious...neither one being good!

  13. Who has been stealing my weekend outfits?

  14. stay off of Nolensville Rd and out of Antioch. And La Vergne, Okay goodlettsville too. And don't even consider millersville or white house. YOu should be safe in Brentwood and Franklin.

  15. Budd, I lived in Goodlettsville for 6 years. Too late. lol

  16. Ack typo!! Amount of skin IM-porportionate, IMMMMM!! =D

  17. I would like to exchange links with your site www.thenonreview.com
    Is this possible?

  18. Anonymous, not to be rude but you haven't left a site for me to look at or even a name for that matter.


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