Friday, September 3, 2010

The 7 Word Weekend Movie Review: Machete, Going the Distance, and a little dancing

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

The American - George Clooney and other stuff that happens.

A Woman, a Gun and a Noodle Shop (limited) - Greatest title for a remake, hands down.

Going the Distance - Cake is now playing in my head.

Machete - My theory is that people will die.

I was originally going to go with something about Justin Long being dead to me for Going the Distance, but as my brother pointed out, he passed the realm of worth caring about some time back. Also, I've never hid my hatred for Drew Barrymore either so what does that leave us in terms of the movie? Jim Gaffigan and Charlie Day in supporting roles. Hmm... that is a tough one. Looks fairly formulaic, but I guess for those two it's worth video.

 Machete really looks like it'll be a fun movie. Maybe more so for some than others. I like to think that I'm included in the some rather than others, but other times I know I slide into the others rather than the some. Try saying that sentence 10 times fast. Interestingly enough, it's been a long time since I looked at a film and thought Cheech Marin looked funny in it. I mean years since I thought that. As in, before I was born. Sorry, I'm in a weird mood today. You'll just have to bear with my humor.

As I was setting up a tab for archived 7 word reviews, I noted two things: One, that it's really tedious work to set these up and I'll probably be slow to update them as a result and Two, I've done 38 or 39 of these now. One a week, that's a lot of weeks. Time flies when you're blogging. Well sometimes. Sometimes it moves so slow you just want to take your blog out back and go 'Old Yeller' on it.

And for that one person who's reading this and doesn't understand that reference (we'll assume you grew up in Thailand or somewhere similar) Spoiler, they shoot the family dog at the end.

Oh yeah, and then this happened:

Test run with new hardware. I slowed it down and added in the old film effects. I wanted to take the audio off which slowed down makes my brother sound like he's drunk, but he insisted it was funnier that way.

Next weekend maybe I'll be back to normal. Maybe...

Have a great weekend everyone.


  1. And I was just in the middle of "Old Yeller"!!!! Guess I don't have to read to the end now.

    "Going the Distance" just looks stupid and canned and I am really tired of potty and masturbation jokes. Thanks for the chance for that rant.

    Now, I gotta go give my copy of "Old Yeller" away and start on my new one called "Sounder."

  2. I saw the previews for Machete, and thought, what the heck? That's the dude from Cheech & Chong..and he's a PRIEST?!!

  3. Machete appears to be all the things I want in cheesy, violent film based on a fake movie trailer!

  4. "Not really a man..."
    Don't leave me hanging like that TS! Not really a man but a what A WHAT???

    Drunk voice funny, 7 word my favorite, old yeller sad.

    Please don't ever go Old Yeller on TNR, TS.

  5. I wanna see Machete because it was originally a "fake" trailer for that Quentin Taratino movie"Death proof." I laughed so hard when I realized they were actually doing a movie off of the "Machete" "trailer." Gotta love Taratino.

    Going the Distance looks cute but I think I'll wait for it to come out on TV.

  6. DUDE! Machete?!?!?! It was a faux trailer from "Planet Terror" and I almost peed my pants when they made it into a movie. So pumped.

    I read a review about "Going the Distance" today that was actually fairly complimentary, which is confusing to me. I can see some one saying, "Oh this is a mediocre film that your girlfriend will probably drag you too. I suggest you pregame with some hard liquor" but not "Oh this was a clever film."

  7. That clip is spooky Tarentino-esque. Love Drew Barrymore. Can't wait to see Machete...saw Jessica Alba on Letterman the other night looking hot and promoting this movie.

  8. I loved Cheech & Chong! Though I was a tad too young to appreciate the true meaning of their true classics. I just thought they liked smoke.

  9. But there is nothing more fun then inviting her to a drewbque where she is violoated in the pickle relish and I know how much you enjoy that. As we beat her young bf with to an inch of his life with cricket mallets. ah good times lad....good times. I knew you are there for a good beating and a goood scrwewing and don't tell tell me ya ain't.

  10. Will the aliens that took over T.S's body please exit quietly, you're cramping his style.

  11. 38 weeks of 7-word reviews! You rock! You can't totally stop doing these you know. You really do keep a lot of fools from parting with their money.
    I watched the video clip before reading your note and I was all "What the hell is this?" And then I read the note and I was still all "What the hell is this?" Cool effect! Have a great LDW! - G

  12. Machete looks really fun and quirky, kind of like a better version of The Expendables. And The American is supposed to be really good, like a slower, more nuanced "spy" sort of movie.

  13. great now cake is playing in my head too.


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