Thursday, October 21, 2010

I've really got to stop killing celebrities

Sure the title seems to say it all, but trust me, it doesn't.

Many of you know my Non-Obit posts I occasionally write. If you don't, I have a page setup where you can view past editions. At the end of every one I put up a "non-death" featuring an older star who is still alive. Unfortunately, I noticed a disturbing statistic recently. Celebrities featured are dying.

In fact, two so far. Barbara Billingsly and  Art Linkletter both died after shortly being featured in the column. To make things worse, Tom Bosley who shortly ago I used in a Monday game has also passed away.

Now I know what you're thinking, two celebrity deaths hardly makes my column a cursed place. But I would like you to consider the numbers for a moment. Out of 15 posts featuring older celebrities, 3 have died. That's 20 percent! That means if you're an old celebrity and I mention you on this site, you have a 20% chance of dying within a few months.

And yet...

Yet one celebrity has survived two times being featured in the column. I speak of course of Wilfred Brimley. Not only have I used him twice, but I have also used his image in the review I did of Superman. And now this makes four times. Four times and he survives so far. Is he indestructible or simply skirting the odds?

Only time will tell.

Thus for the rest of the year, we are on Brimley Watch here at The Non-Review. And to all the rest of the celebrities whose names I have invoked, I wish you the best of luck. May the curse not find thee.


  1. Oh, PLEASE don't post a Nancy Pelosi obit...I BEG you...

  2. Well, that's interesting.. May I give you couple names to mention :))

  3. Oh! Oh! Can you do one about Lady Gaga? Or maybe Rush Limbaugh? Please?

  4. My money is also on Brimley....
    He's got the diabetus.

  5. I posted a couple of reviews lately that referred to actors in the past tense, and have recently learned that they're still alive. I wonder if that counts as a sort of reverse hex...

  6. I almost shed a tear when Tom Bosley died. I LOVED Happy Days, and his character was amazing.

    Now I could think of a few people who need a I'd better not tempt fate. The tables might turn...ON ME!

  7. "Oh, PLEASE don't post a Nancy Pelosi obit...I BEG you..." I love it Joe Ha Ha

    How many Non Obit votes do we need for Nancy Pelosi?

  8. Killing them softly with your words....killing them soft-ly with your words killing them soft-lyyyyyy...with your wor-rrrrrds...

    I know I took some liberty with the song, but somehow it fit...and now I will sing it all damn day as punishment...

  9. Joe & Jimmy, LOL that is tempting.

    Unwashed, I'm not sure it works for younger celebs, but it is worth a shot.

    Turquoise, Might as well, everyone seems to have a couple. haha

    Vegetarian, Oooh both good ones.

    Andrew, he is one tough cookie though.

    Joem, Maybe I should get you to post on the ones I cover and see if it stave off the curse?

    Marlene, I was saddened by the news too. Happy Days, Father Dowling... how could ya' not love the guy?

    Seductress, Thank you so much, that is now in my head! lol. Cracked me up.

  10. I love this whole concept....
    Keep trying.

    Do Brian Denehey next.

  11. Like some commenters had said it's too bad that you can't just wish people dead. I am not asking for more than 3 a month - three asshats that have to go. My choices for this anaugural (sp?) death list

    Justin Bieber
    Paris Hilton
    Sarah Palin

    This would make a good post topic for you. "Name the people you want to die and give your reasons why."

    Just because somone is annoying is not enough of a reason to put that person's name down. You have to justify your choice to be in the contest.

    It would be interesting to see who we all universally hate. It would aslo be fun to see those random people that one would never think of to get onto the 'LIST'.

  12. Andrew, Come to think of it, Denehey has been kicking around a long time...

    Kal, Maybe I should do it up like Survivor where people get voted off. (and yes I could have used any reality show for the idea, I chose Survivor for the pun. No need to thank me.)

  13. With absolute power comes absolute bad-ass-ery.

    Awesome post. (Eerie, but awesome.)

    Kudos to Brimley. Maybe the makings of another nonsense facebook page? Wilfred Brimley is indestructible ... and believe me I'm trying.

  14. Leave Mr. Brimley alone. I love me some Quaker Oatmeal and I love me some Cocoon.

  15. But who would shill for the diabetes drugs if WB kicked it??

  16. That's pretty funny. Last night I just watched a 30 Rock re-run about celebrities dying in groups of 3. They joked about Betty White living forever, but she has nothing on Brimley. He's too grumpy to ever die.

  17. They should call you double O blogger!!! Farewell Mr. & Mrs. C.

  18. If the diabetes doesn't kill him then your blog surely will.

  19. Are you sure, you don't have some tiny little 'dark mark' up your forearm somewhere?....I may sound meanie but do you have a foolproof curse for these "Bieber" fanatics on Twitter?

  20. You KILLED these people! The horror...

  21. That was funny TS, and not so surprising, knowing the darkness that lurks in your soul. (I read that somewhere.) And though you may act innocent, we all know you have an evil plan because of, that thing, you know, about your soul.

  22. I didn't make it past the first sentence and I just KNEW this was going to somehow end with Wilford Brimley (I'm a huge non-obit fan). Fact TS, he's immortal, like the Highlander. End of Story.


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