Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Myspace Time Capsule #5

Once again I find myself a little busy and behind on writing, which means that it's time for another Myspace flashback. What I was saying waaaaaayyyyy back, when myspace was hip and cool. Enjoy.



April 20, 2007 - Friday

I hate Mary Poppins.

Think about it. She had all kinds of supernatural powers and what did she use them for? To take a job away from some random listless teenage girl. If she had gone into any other field where would the world be? It's clear she had an interest in science from the way she analysed the situations and broke them down. She did everything as though some great experiment. And we know she had an interest in healthcare.
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Just a spoonful! Imagine what a donut could do!
If she had handed that helpful little fact over to doctors, think how many lives might have been saved. Patients who stood a frail chance even with chemotherapy might have been cured with a pudding cup.

For all we know the reason hospitals are able to help people is not because of the drugs or surgeries, but because of it's desserts. When tommy had his tonsils out, was he better because of that or because he had a green Popsicle? Hospitals are known as the place to go for medicine. But I think we all J-E-L-L-Know what really cures people.

Doctor: [shaking head as body is led away under sheet] What happened with poor Mrs. Milligan?
Nurse: [Looking in good spirits despite the obvious swollen eyes] Well, we gave her her meds, then she had a big meal. When dessert came around, she said... she said she was full.
Doctor: [very soap opera-ish] Damn it woman, there is always room for Jello!

Yes, there is. Just one spooful makes the medicine go down, in a most delightful way. If only CDC had been made aware.
Curse you Mary Poppins and the umbrella you flew in on.


Hmm... I stand by what I said back then. I also add sucks to Mary Poppins. 

16 comments:

  1. Mary Poppins is a bitch. Even after 3 years, this post is still brilliant.

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  2. Imagine what a donut could do....LOL!

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  3. Was she a mutant? And could she beat the chick from Weird Science in a fight? And yeah, what's the big idea of her treading on the CDC's turf?

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  4. A donut a day, keeps the doctor away! Hell, based on the number of donuts I eat, I'll never see the guy again...

    great post! Old or new...still great!

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  5. Never considered this before. But you're right. Mary Poppins is evil!!

    Loved this post. LOL-ed for realsies.

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  6. If only Mary Poppins and Bill Cosby got together to promote Jell-o, who knows what would of happened.

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  7. What could a donut do?

    is it powdered or jelly filled?

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  8. I just always hated that look she gave everyone. Just because she can fly she is so much better than you or I. FUCK you Mary Poppins or Sherry Bobbins or whatever the fuck name you are using right now. All those powers and you help the nation by being a nanny to neglected children? Where were you when I was a child and eating cold sammiches for diner or finding out that you can't really BAKE an egg? I also didn't appreciate her introducing those children to dirty chimney sweeps. They are the pedofiles of the heating and cooling business. Thanks for nothing, bitch.

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  9. this is excellent.

    you have no idea how many times i've argued with little children who want 'a spoonful of sugar' before they take medicine.

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  10. Kal, Your whole rant is priceless but the 'bake an egg' comment left me wanting to know if this means you tried it.

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  11. Of course I did. Me and my sister would make home made Kraft pizza from the time I was ten and we always experimented with different toppings. The egg toping was so bad that we cut it out leaving a pizza that looked like a donut. Once we put eggs (in the shell) on the pan with bacon in the stove. They predictably exploded and we burned ourselves trying to clean it all up before my folks got home.

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  12. Kal, That is an awesome story. You should post that on your site. I'm sure everyone would get a kick out of reading that. Frankly I think, mess aside, that's a rather clever thing for a 10 year old to try.

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  13. Yeh, I will add that to the '60 Second Stories' list. We were luckyt to be trusted to be independent very early in life. And unlike today where we never talk, my sister and I were really a team growing up. Comes from travelling so much and seeing the world with a great Father and an uptight mother who we could always make fun of. I miss that actually.

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  14. "j-e-l-l-know" hahahahaha, you're a genius. :)

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  15. LOL to Kal's comments. Priceless. Excellent point on your part, TS, about hospital desserts.
    xoRobyn

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  16. Mary Poppins effectively created AIDS.

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