Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Non-Review: Skyline - Reviewed by H. G. Wells

So there I was resting comfortably on my laurels, which is something we used to rest on back in the day, when a group of men showed up to my sea. Yes that's right, MY sea. When you're cremated and have your ashes scattered over a body of water your ghost then haunts, you're more than welcome to lay claim to it.  Anyways, they came inquiring as to whether I would be interested in seeing an early screening of some film.

I was all, "dudes, you know I'm dead right?"

They were all, "yeah, so?"

To which I had no answer. So away I went with a group of strangers. I figured what was the worst that could happen? I did have to insist that a tub of water be carried to the screening. There are rules about haunting you know. The guy who held the bucket was a good sport about it, though you could tell he was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I'm a ghost, a man, or that the water kept slooshing all over him. Whatever the case when we arrived he quickly handed the bucket over to one of the other guys.

Into the the theater I was carried. Things have really changed since the last time I was in a theater, close to how I envisioned the future. Seriously, people, I told you this is how the future would be!

Excited as I was I had to settle down. The people who had brought me wanted my opinion of the film. So I sat through it, quietly. Special effects are way better than when I was alive, let me tell you. Everything on screen looked like it was really happening. I was half tempted to go outside and make sure it wasn't actually unfolding. Now, you may not be aware of this, but I have written about extraterrestrials myself, and this was right up my alley. In fact, parts of it seemed like I might have written it. Though it was different enough for me to enjoy it with an outside perspective. Plus it had the dude from Dexter and the dude from Scrubs. I like them both.

After the film I relayed my thoughts to the people who had brought me. They thanked me me nicely. I had expected to be driven home after that, but the blastards just flushed me down the toilet. Which led to a river and eventually carried me back out to my sea, but even so, that is no way to treat a person.

Nevertheless I do endorse this movie as a fun and scary ride. They just better not come a knocking on my sea when the sequel comes out or they'll find themselves the ones being flushed!

4 out 5


  1. He should've reviewed "Flushed Away" while going down that commode!

  2. While I enjoyed this review tremendously, I notice you didn't indicate whether boobs made an appearance or not. That's the real clincher for me.

  3. I am ready for Skyline! (The movie not the reality)

  4. I love the dude from Dexter, too! LOL! You're so entertaining!

  5. That HG is a kick in the pants. Very well done, TS. I liked the "all like" dialogue betwixt the formal verbiage. I'm going to let the movie sit on its laurels, but I'll look for HG whenever I go out to sea. xo
    PS I returned tests today.

  6. For all its faults I still enjoy the film as a whole. There seemed to be enough originality here to remember the old aliens invade Earth, the story kept me entertained for 92 minutes, but not by much.

  7. It made me cry when they flushed him down the toilet...


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