Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Non-Review: Skyline - Reviewed by H. G. Wells

So there I was resting comfortably on my laurels, which is something we used to rest on back in the day, when a group of men showed up to my sea. Yes that's right, MY sea. When you're cremated and have your ashes scattered over a body of water your ghost then haunts, you're more than welcome to lay claim to it.  Anyways, they came inquiring as to whether I would be interested in seeing an early screening of some film.

I was all, "dudes, you know I'm dead right?"

They were all, "yeah, so?"

To which I had no answer. So away I went with a group of strangers. I figured what was the worst that could happen? I did have to insist that a tub of water be carried to the screening. There are rules about haunting you know. The guy who held the bucket was a good sport about it, though you could tell he was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I'm a ghost, a man, or that the water kept slooshing all over him. Whatever the case when we arrived he quickly handed the bucket over to one of the other guys.

Into the the theater I was carried. Things have really changed since the last time I was in a theater, close to how I envisioned the future. Seriously, people, I told you this is how the future would be!

Excited as I was I had to settle down. The people who had brought me wanted my opinion of the film. So I sat through it, quietly. Special effects are way better than when I was alive, let me tell you. Everything on screen looked like it was really happening. I was half tempted to go outside and make sure it wasn't actually unfolding. Now, you may not be aware of this, but I have written about extraterrestrials myself, and this was right up my alley. In fact, parts of it seemed like I might have written it. Though it was different enough for me to enjoy it with an outside perspective. Plus it had the dude from Dexter and the dude from Scrubs. I like them both.

After the film I relayed my thoughts to the people who had brought me. They thanked me me nicely. I had expected to be driven home after that, but the blastards just flushed me down the toilet. Which led to a river and eventually carried me back out to my sea, but even so, that is no way to treat a person.

Nevertheless I do endorse this movie as a fun and scary ride. They just better not come a knocking on my sea when the sequel comes out or they'll find themselves the ones being flushed!

4 out 5

8 comments:

  1. He should've reviewed "Flushed Away" while going down that commode!

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  2. While I enjoyed this review tremendously, I notice you didn't indicate whether boobs made an appearance or not. That's the real clincher for me.

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  3. Or he could've reviewed Swept Away too. BTW...what's HG's take on ID4? That movie kicked ass.

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  4. I am ready for Skyline! (The movie not the reality)

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  5. I love the dude from Dexter, too! LOL! You're so entertaining!

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  6. That HG is a kick in the pants. Very well done, TS. I liked the "all like" dialogue betwixt the formal verbiage. I'm going to let the movie sit on its laurels, but I'll look for HG whenever I go out to sea. xo
    PS I returned tests today.

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  7. For all its faults I still enjoy the film as a whole. There seemed to be enough originality here to remember the old aliens invade Earth, the story kept me entertained for 92 minutes, but not by much.

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  8. It made me cry when they flushed him down the toilet...

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