Saturday, April 23, 2011

T is For: TS Hendrik - A Non-Interview

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with myself for what was a surprisingly honest interview. Unfortunately due to a pending lawsuit we are only able to bring you select parts at this time.

TNR: What did you want to be when you were a child?
TS: Oddly enough, an airplane mechanic.
TNR: Not a pilot?
TS: Lord no. I'm scared of heights. I liked the idea of helping others fly.
TNR: And that doesn't in anyway seem stupid to you?
TS: Pardon?
TNR: Would you in fact say you were a rather dumb child?
TS: I didn't come here to be insulted!
TNR: I apologize. Let me rephrase the question. Were you frequently drunk as a child?
TS: I'm out of here.
TNR: Wait, I'm sorry. Please sit down. I'll move on.
TS: Ok... but try not to be so rude.

This may have not been the best opening line of questions as it left him irritated the rest of the interview.

TNR: You consider yourself to be a hunting enthusiast, correct?
TS: Not really. I've gone bow hunting a few times, but it's far from being a hobby.
TNR: You use a bow?
TS: I'm not anti-gun, I just happen to enjoy shooting a bow.
TNR: These hunting trips you've taken... How successful would you say they've been?
TS: ...I had fun. That's what I'd consider a successful trip.
TNR: Isn't it true that you've never in fact managed to hit anything?
TS: What are you implying?
TNR: That you suck at archery and hunting.
TS: I'm actually quite a good shot.
TNR: I'd like to read you a quote from someone I interviewed earlier this week, if you don't mind.
TS: Ok...
TNR: "So there I was out in the woods, when this half wit comes out from behind a tree. He's holding a long bow and one of those fancy arrows -the kind you have to put together yourself. At first I'm freaking like 'oh God, my time's up!' but than he draws and fires. Darn thing goes whizzing by, like 8 feet away. I looked at him and just started laughing my tail off!" That's from Arthur Cottontail, a rabbit from south eastern Ontario.
TS: ...
TNR: Do you deny Mr. Cottontail's account?
TS: No comment.

At this point I realized I may have trod on a sensitive subject. I decided it was probably for the best if I changed my line of questioning altogether.

TNR: Why is your head so big?
TS: What do you mean? It's average.
TNR: ... [eying him skeptically]
TS: Alright, it's big.
TNR: And those ears...!
TS: I said 'Alright'. It's genetic. I come from long line of proud, big-headed individuals. Now leave off.

Clearly he was upset. I realized I had to tread carefully or risk the interview being a total loss.

TNR: Would you say you're of two minds about everything?
TS: [laughing] Well... considering this interview.
TNR: Have you ever considered outpatient psychotherapy?
TS: This interview is over.

Providing that the suit ends in our favor, I look forward to bringing you the rest of the interview at a later date.


  1. BRAVO! possibly my favorite post yet, though I love a bit of self-deprecation ... the only question now is how long does a fellow blogger politely wait before stealing an idea?

  2. Thank you. I believe 24 hours is customary before stealing ideas. haha

  3. LOL - This interview is hilarious. It is my favorite "T" post so far. Thanks.

  4. WoW! How did you ever score this interview! I've been trying to get one with myself for years. I suggest you put down your bow and use it on a package instead--much more effective.

  5. Great interview! I'll be searching for that rabbit

  6. That was a Cheap public gimmick TNR..Tsk, Tsk "shaking head vigorously'...not done, not done at all....I am going to scream bloody murder....

  7. Wouldn't mention the bow again...

  8. This was awesome. I think this was the best of your alphabet challenge.

  9. Wow Ian Hunter was ARE never alone with a schizophrenic! Hope the suit goes in...ah, your favor??

  10. This is your BEST blog post EVER!!! LOVED it!!! You crack me up!!!!

  11. Hahaha! That was hilarious. A great idea too. The folks want to know though, was said Mr Cottontail the Easter Bunny? ;-) Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

  12. Boy that was a tough interviewer! Got ya on some probing questions. Glad you stayed to finished it. BTW...made you blog of the day.

  13. Hey, in your defense, I had a friend that was into bow hunting. Stupid me, thought how hard can it be? Bow hunting is a lot harder than it looks, let me tell ya. I darn near took out a toe when I let that baby go!

    Remind me never to let you interview me....too probing and I am not into probes.

  14. bow hunting isn't that hard! they are usually right next to the wrapping paper!
    Funny post Tim!

  15. I was frequently drunk as a child :p

  16. I just couldn't see any way for this interview not to end badly. TNR vs. TS? I'm just glad the internet didn't implode.


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