Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Dinosaur Party Debates: Mr. Bill O'Rights & Mr. Pry Merry

The Results:

Some, I suppose, would call it a slaughter -the way Soph Bocks, took every vote in the last round- and I'm one of those people. Ms. Staytha Course, went down like a domino, and not even a particularly important domino. The domino that's left over after you've finished your masterpiece, so you throw it back into the box. Before lighting it on fire, cause that's how you roll. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Now that we have our winner from last round. Let's meet our new contestants.

Round 3:

Mr. Bill O’Rights 
(Tyrannosaurus – Carnivore)


Mr. Pry Merry 
(Ankylosaurus – Herbivore)

Moderator: Our debate today is concerning Border Security. And I would like to ask both candidates to stay on topic, and no one, and I mean no one, is to break into song. This is a serious arena, and I don’t want a repeat of the Oklahoma incident. Agreed? Alright, let’s begin.

Mr. Bill O’Rights (Tyrannosaurus – Carnivore): This is a serious problem. I hear so many stories of people trying to sneak across our borders by crossing the sea in small boats, hoping to slip past us. We don’t want those stinkin’ Russians getting into Alaska and stealing any more of our jobs.

Mr. Pry Merry (Ankylosaurus – Herbivore): I agree. The Bering Sea is a huge weak point in our security.

O’Rights (T-Rex): Put a few disgruntled raptors along the border. That’ll discourage those stinkin’ Russians from sneaking in and stealing our jobs … like … snow plowers, and, uh … park rangers. We speak American, not Russian!

Merry (Anky): English.

O’Rights (T-Rex): Yeah, the English do it too, I guess … but they just fly over here. They don’t sneak in, stupid.  

Merry (Anky): I didn’t mean the people, I meant their language.

O’Rights (T-Rex): Well, yeah, they use a lot of language, especially on TV, but theirs is different. Ours are all four letter words, theirs are longer, like bloody, and wanker, and t***—well I guess that last one was four letters.

Moderator: Okay, okay. I’m worried where this is going, so let’s switch gears, and discuss education with the time we have left.

Merry (Anky): History class, especially, needs to be overhauled. Most only go back to the Greeks, or maybe Mesopotamia. If you’re really lucky Neanderthals get mentioned. That’s not nearly back far enough. What about Jurassic, Triassic, Mesozoic? C’mon!

O’Rights (T-Rex): And America has fossils from all those time periods, so we should show pride for our ancient past. In fact, a cousin of mine known as Alabama Tyrannosaur (or Appalachiosaurus), has been seen nowhere else in the world but the U.S., and specifically only in Alabama, hence his name. 

Merry (Anky): Sweet home Alabama! Where the skies are so blue!

Moderator: Hey! I specifically said no singing! This debate is over.

Who will you vote for? One moves forward towards a chance at greatness, the other is fit to gather dust in the back halls of a museum. Because this is a matter of voting for our next president, I have decided the idea of cutting it to half a week, is far too little time to vote. Thus you have until next Monday at 11:59 pm to get in your votes. Then next Tuesday, we'll meet our final candidates in this survival of the fittest.

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  1. I like the idea of disgruntled raptors on the border - Mr. Bill O'Rights gets my vote.

  2. Mr. Bill O'Rights is mouthy and aggressive. We need that in a President. I'll vote for him.

  3. We've needed a good Ankylosaurus in public office for far too long. Mr. Pry Merry is a perfect fit. I vote for him and his dino-awesomeness.

  4. Mr. Pry Merry gets my vote. While I like Bill's spunk, I don't appreciate his blatant racism. I much prefer subtle racism.

  5. Does the anti immigrant know...America today and long ago was created by immigrants. After all, when the big continent broke up...dinos had to traverse the world to reach the liberty shores.

  6. The issues are much too deep for me, but I'm going to vote for Mr. Pry Merry, simply because he looks like an armored honey badger...

  7. Mr Pry Merry, because I can't resist a rebel who sings when he's not supposed to.


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