Friday, May 11, 2012

Dark Shadows: 7 Word Weekend Review

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Dark Shadows - Are there any other kinds of shadows?

Waaaaayyyy back when I first started this column, I used to try and cover every movie that was out each weekend. If you want to know why I stopped doing that, this weekend is a good example. Dark Shadows is the only wide release, however there are 23 films that are out this week in limited release. And even though a couple of them look good, in the interest of non-partiality (SEE: laziness) I've decided to ignore them all.

Hey, you know what I've never seen? A Johnny Depp/Tim Burton movie. That seems like a novel idea, doesn't it? I think the two could be good together. I'm being ironic, if you didn't pick up on that. In all seriousness, I heard the two of them are considering life altering surgery. I forget the technical term, but I believe the laymen term is a "reverse conjoined twin". That would be where the two of them are connected together. Kind of like the plot for Human Centipede, only it's by choice, and they'll probably connect at the side. That way one can act and the other direct. 

Speaking of Human Centipede, someone found this blog the other day by searching the term 'Human Centipede 2 upset me for awhile'. Frankly I find that shocking. You mean you watched a film about 12 people being sewn together, and it briefly disturbed you? I suppose the truly creepy angle is that qualifier 'awhile'. Kind of like, the idea freaked me out at first, but after awhile I came around to it. That's not even touching on searching for that term, which opens up a whole different psychosis. 

By the way, if any of you guys reading this happen to be the person in question, it's all in good humor, I assure you. Please don't direct your crazy at me when you finally tip. 

Seems like I'm forgetting something... Oh right, Dark Shadows looks like another wash in the world of remakes. I might catch it outside of theaters, but then I've managed to avoid some other Tim Burton and Johnny Depp films of recent. Oh look, the Avengers is still out...

How about you guys, any interest in seeing Dark Shadows? Have you decided to see The Avengers again?


  1. Someone is going to go all bat-shit crazy on you now for that comment!

  2. I would rather pay double to see avengers again than to have to sit through dark shadows for free. Now if you start paying me, that is another story, but I am so tired of Johnny Depp/Tim Burton movies. They stopped being good at Nightmare Before Christmas.

  3. Budd - He's not in the Nightmare Before Christmas. He is in the Corpse Bride though.

    I kind of want to watch Dark Shadows. I kind of have an aversion to vampire films though, I don't know why. had an article that mentioned this Burton specific cliche in it too. I love them both though but...yeah. :p

  4. Though I am aware of what Dark Shadows was, I have never seen it, it certainly did not play in my end of the world. So I can't say it appeals to me. The trailers make it look like "Dracula: Dead and Loving It" or "Love at First Bite" so they aren't exactly selling it to me successfully.

  5. There are eerie shadows for one since you are asking.
    And comic of a non romantic or similar words is the one that's leads the naive to my blog...all because of a cartoon I made to mock my ex.

  6. I have no interest in seeing Dark Shadows although while I was seeing The Avengers I caught the preview and laughed quite a bit. I'm just bummed that Battleship didn't come out this weekend!! I thought it was (silly me) and I had already asked my 3 oldest kids to take me for Mother's Day. I love that kind of movie!! I guess I will just have to be sad (lol)....but in happy news my son won his first lacrosse game. The last one of the season!!!!! So you can image our happiness after so many losses. WOOT!! (they are a first time team against seasoned teams) Anyway, have a happy weekend!! Stacy

  7. I am going to see Dark's Depp! Have not made the Avengers yet but very soon.

  8. I love Johnny Depp and wouldn't miss this movie!

  9. Awesome post. If this is laziness, be lazy more often. (See: reference to your joke ... I'm not calling you lazy because I'm a jerk.)

    Also, I like the idea of a post that is the rationale behind the sometimes very bizarre search terms that lead people to blogs.


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