New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each
Dark Shadows - Are there any other kinds of shadows?
Waaaaayyyy back when I first started this column, I used to try and cover every movie that was out each weekend. If you want to know why I stopped doing that, this weekend is a good example. Dark Shadows is the only wide release, however there are 23 films that are out this week in limited release. And even though a couple of them look good, in the interest of non-partiality (SEE: laziness) I've decided to ignore them all.
Hey, you know what I've never seen? A Johnny Depp/Tim Burton movie. That seems like a novel idea, doesn't it? I think the two could be good together. I'm being ironic, if you didn't pick up on that. In all seriousness, I heard the two of them are considering life altering surgery. I forget the technical term, but I believe the laymen term is a "reverse conjoined twin". That would be where the two of them are connected together. Kind of like the plot for Human Centipede, only it's by choice, and they'll probably connect at the side. That way one can act and the other direct.
Speaking of Human Centipede, someone found this blog the other day by searching the term 'Human Centipede 2 upset me for awhile'. Frankly I find that shocking. You mean you watched a film about 12 people being sewn together, and it briefly disturbed you? I suppose the truly creepy angle is that qualifier 'awhile'. Kind of like, the idea freaked me out at first, but after awhile I came around to it. That's not even touching on searching for that term, which opens up a whole different psychosis.
By the way, if any of you guys reading this happen to be the person in question, it's all in good humor, I assure you. Please don't direct your crazy at me when you finally tip.
Seems like I'm forgetting something... Oh right, Dark Shadows looks like another wash in the world of remakes. I might catch it outside of theaters, but then I've managed to avoid some other Tim Burton and Johnny Depp films of recent. Oh look, the Avengers is still out...
How about you guys, any interest in seeing Dark Shadows? Have you decided to see The Avengers again?