Friday, August 10, 2012

Hope Springs (sprang), The Bourne Legacy, and Robots: 7 Word Review



New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each


Hope Springs - Why did they make this movie again?

Nitro Circus the Movie 3D -Thanks for specifying that it's a "movie."

The Bourne Legacy - Missed a chance to title it "Rebourne"

The Campaign - It's got my vote for the weekend. 


Not really, I mean I want to see it, but not in theaters. That was just for the joke. Full disclosure on everything, that's my motto. 


Nitro Circus really didn't seem like it needed a movie to me. The show has always been a little on the dull side. Outstanding accomplishment when you're talking about crazy stunts like what they do. I've also been a fan of Travis Pastrana for several years. Yet here we are, there it is, and away I go.

My question about the Bourne movies from here out is whether they're going to continue using the Bourne name even though they've left him behind. Originally they'd talked about using other actors for Bourne, kind of like an American James Bond. Course I never read the books so I don't know if that's how it goes there. I suppose this could be the natural transition in the books too. Though personally as I've enjoyed the Bourne films, I don't feel a need to stick to anything cannon. I'm fully willing to give the new film a go, even though I will miss Matt Damon. Huh, there's something I never thought I'd say. I will say I did like the idea of a new actor for the same role, but here we are, there it is, and away I go.

Huh, deja vu.

Don't make me talk about Hope Springs. I'd rather not think of Tommy Lee Jones this way; chemically castrated by the mere presence of Meryl Streep. I'd rather remember him like this:



7 1/2 minutes of awesome, right? Ah, but I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, Hope Springs is Meryl Steep's subtle bid for immortality. Hope Springs eternal? Tick, tick. Tick, tick.  I think not.

I should explain. I've decided that Meryl Streep is a robot. Alien or man-made has yet to be seen. There, everything explained now? Well sorry, I don't have the time to spell out every little thing like facts. Just trust me, if I say she's a robot, you can bank on it. 

Which leaves us with The Campaign . Satire, baby punching, comedy powerhouses, and pretty decent reviews, all point to an appealing theatrical experience. But it just feels like I won't be getting anything I haven't seen from Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis before. And so while it may be a safe choice, I prefer safety at home. After all, most accidents happen at home... Makes you think doesn't it? No? Well, it's not my fault you lack imagination, but here we are, there it is, and away I go.

Kind of like the circle of life isn't it?

And life is the choose your own adventure on the bookshelf of the universe after all. So what are your plans this weekend? Hunting robots in Siberian forests? Showering a block away from home to avoid those nasty accidents? Perhaps making a killer sandwich? I'm turning to page 118 to find out your answer.





4 comments:

  1. I'm seeing The Bourne Legacy this evening. I've read a couple of the books, but not that one, so don't know how accurate it is with the switch to a new person.

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  2. I freaking love those commercials.

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  3. Two things...love all the Bourne movies and glad Ed Norton is in this new one...second, you had waaaay too much caffein when you wrote this post. I felt like I couldn't possibly read it fast enough!!!

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  4. I just got back from hunting killer sandwiches in a Siberian forest, and I am happy to see that I did not miss any good movies this weekend. Alright, well, I'm off to clean my kitchen knives while standing on my slippery kitchen floor.

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