Friday, September 14, 2012

Resident Evil and other reasons the theater is dead this weekend: 7 Word Weekend


New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each


Finding Nemo 3D - Fish is so dumb, keeps getting lost.

Last Ounce of Courage - What, it's heartwarming?! I'm not watching that.

The Master (limited) - Tick off a cult, that's always fun.

Resident Evil: Retribution - Maybe when they hit 80 they'll stop.


For my thoughts on the new Resident Evil, please see my thoughts for the last three sequels. No, wait, you'd want links for that and that means looking... And we all know my stance on work when it comes to blogging. Alright actual opinions. I don't get the franchise. They're completely empty films to me. I've watched a couple and it's just plodding and mindless. Huh, that was pretty quick actually. I guess I wasted a lot of time on unnecessary rhetoric. How unlike me (insert rolled eyes). 

The Master on the other hand is a film I want to see. Skewering Scientology and looking darn good while doing it, is more than enough reason to get me to a theater. I've heard lots of good word on it. Course that limited release probably means nowhere near me. Which means the weekend is pretty empty theatrically. I've done the Nemo thing. It's not my favorite kids flick by far. 

Which leaves us with all this extra time in this post. How are you? I feel like we never talk anymore; just you and I. I like that shirt you're wearing. Even that mustard stain adds character. Least, I hope that's a mustard stain... Oh, what's that, you say you've already got to be going? These visits just seem to get shorter and shorter. Are you sure you won't stay, maybe pour a cup of tea? I have lemon bars. Well, you can pretend it's lemon in the bars. Well, you can pretend it's bars you're pretending the lemon is in. Do you like chocolate moose? He didn't! Eesh, I'm afraid I'm not very good with jokes. Haven't been ever since... The Accident.

Aaaannnndd... Scene.

You've been enjoying a selection from our playhouse's latest opus, 'The Cat That Sat Around And His Nine Tails'. Tune in next week for who knows. Possibly a banjo playing monkey. 

Have a great weekend everyone.

8 comments:

  1. Skewering does sound good!
    Resident Evil movies are mindless. And yes, I've watched all of them on NetFlix. I blame Milla.

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  2. I agree with Alex - Milla is the draw. My husband rarely says anything about women, but he thinks she is terrific. Being so beautiful doesn't hurt. You have a great weekend also.

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  3. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude, fuckin' why so god damn many RE movies? The FUCK?!

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  4. I watch for Milla...and Ali in the last one. You said there'd be cake and all you brought was lemon bars...seriously, I've been away from here for a little bit but ...lemon bars!! You know I'll be back for the banjoin' monkey segment.

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  5. Haha that ended weirdly, so naturally it was well-received.

    "Lemon" "bars" should be given to the monkey if he's not entertaining enough.

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  6. You were really feeling your Wheaties when your wrote this weren't you!? LMAO

    I am DYING to see the newest Resident Evil movie. Kind of tells you what kind of person I am right?! And I'm a straight girl so the Milla thing doesn't really apply! LOL I love zombie action films...they just call to my heart...ha

    I could care less about The Master and it's whole tie to Scientology blah blah blah...zzzzzzzzz

    I'm 51. I would rather have some coffee and a breakfast burrito if you want me to stay around!! lol Hope you are having a great week. hugs, Stacy

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  7. My blogroll said this post was written 42 years ago. That is very impressive. Did you go back in time to write it?

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  8. I love the Resident Evil movies. I'll still be watching them when RE-25 is released. I do admit however, that I may not feel that way if Milla Jovovich was not in them.

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