Wednesday, June 25, 2014

10 Superheroes Who Should Never Get A Movie

Not every superhero deserves the hollywood treatment. Here's a look at some of the lamest and most bizarre superheroes we'd rather not see get their own movie.


NFL Superpro

One of the lamest heroes ever created, NFL Superpro was an ex football star turned superhero. After injuring his knee while saving a child, his career in football was cut short. But thanks to a scientist who created a near indestructible uniform, he was able to fight crime.



Vibe

Vibe is a superhero with two main abilities. One, he has the power to create vibrations strong enough to disrupt The Flash's super speed, or even shake apart the earth. His second and far more fantastic ability is that of break dancing. Yes indeed, those parachute pants aren't for the looks, they serve a practical purpose when he's down in the streets.



Stone Boy

Danger is coming, who will save us from destruction? Not Stone Boy. Stone Boy is great at saving himself, but little else. If threatened, Stone Boy has the superhuman ability to turn himself to stone. He can't do anything else, but he can sure save himself.



Madame Fatal

Who needs superpowers when you can dress up like an old woman? Long considered one of the worst heroes ever, Madame Fatal has the distinction of being the first crossdressing superhero. Aided by a parrot named Hamlet who can recite Shakespeare, our hero is lame out loud.



Squirrel Girl

You'd have to be nuts to love Squirrel Girl. A mutant who shares qualities with squirrels, she has a bushy tail, the ability to climb or chew through trees, and of course can telepathically communicate with squirrels.  



Matter Eater Lad

His name says it all. This member of the Legion of Superheroes has the grand power of being able to eat anything. Wonderful if you're ever trapped in a dungeon and have the patience to wait while he eats your way out. 



Dazzler

Dazzler has the amazing ability to transform vibrations inside of her into light. Kind of cool right? Except that she was originally conceived as a disco queen. That's right, Dazzler is for all intents and purposes, a human disco ball. Go get your roller skates, it's crime fighting time.



Red Bee

Fighting Nazis is hard work for one man. Unless of course that man is the Red Bee. No superpowers to speak of, Red Bee fights crime with his group of trained bees. If that's not enough he has one special bee named Michael who lives in his belt. Watch out enemies of America, you're about to get stung.



Whizzer

While on a trip to Africa, our hero is bitten by a cobra. In order to save his life, his father gives him a transfusion of mongoose blood (because, science). The result, Whizzer is able to run super fast. A whole 100 miles an hour fast. Who knew mongoose blood was the original 5 hour energy?



Doorman

Oh no, we're in the wrong room. I mean we could just exit the door, go down the hall 3 feet and then go into the room we need to be in, OR we could let Doorman become a portal for us from one room to the next. Yup, that's Doorman's powers. He can create a portal, so long as it's one room over. Take that, bad guys.



Got any clunkers you'd add to the list? Sound out below.

9 comments:

  1. Sorry Dazzler - disco is dead.
    Squirrel Girl would be good for distracting dogs.

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  2. I remember Doorman from the original West Coast Avengers. It's a dumb power, but it fit with the rest of the goofy team. Dazzler would be a stretch but if you put her with Vibe you might have a blockbuster film. Call Spielberg. Hilarious list Tim!.

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  3. Good Pick. He was also in a Legion of Superheros comic. They came up with some of the weirdest characters in the early era. Love them for that.

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  4. To be fair to doorman, he did later get the power to collect souls. Even still though he's just silly. Vibe and Dazzler... I don't know if the world is ready for that duo on film. haha

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  5. He just reminds me of the funny Heros that are in The Tick comic and cartoons.

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  6. It would be funktastic Man. LOL

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  7. Vibe was updated, yo. He's cool now!

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  8. He's better now but I still think he's a bit of a B-lister.

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