Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Battle of the Shapes: The Final Vote

Welcome, one and all, to the final Championship Shape Battle. This is the one the world is holding its breath for. The major news outlets are all standing by—we’re almost positive about that—because this is the fight that will, once and for … a while, crown one of our two remaining shapes as the greatest shape of all!

Circle waited on the sidelines, to see the outcome of the battle between Lens and Square. It was pulling for Lens in a big way, because It assumed that would make for an easy championship victory. But alas, Circle was to be disappointed to see Its chief rival, Square, win handsomely. These two have been at each other’s throats throughout recorded history, in a struggle for dominance. Square tries to poke Circle every chance It can get, and Circle constantly tries to bounce on Square. It gets ugly. Trust us. Even vicious, at times. The main contention between them is that Circle is by far the dominant shape in the universe, and so it irritates It to no end that Square is by far the dominant shape on Earth (especially if you allow a stretched square—Rectangle—to classify as a square, which Circle does, because there are actually no true circles in the universe, and it needs the compromise).

So it is quite appropriate that it all comes down to these two most classic shapes. We’ve had to keep these two in separate rooms this whole time, because they’d constantly try to kill each other, otherwise. But we are now about to release them onto the same battlefield. So stand back to a safe distance as we begin this final combat:


Favorite dessert: Oreos
Favorite instrument: Drums
Favorite TV show: Wheel of Fortune
Battle strategy: Roll around and around until Square gets dizzy, and then go in for the kill.

 Favorite dessert: Brownies
Favorite instrument: Piano
Favorite TV show: SpongeBob
Battle strategy: Let Circle tire itself out, rolling around, and then attack.

So, who is the Greatest Shape? You now get to decide. Saturday will be the historic day for shapes everywhere, for that is when the voting will end and the winner will be announced. Submit your vote below, by leaving a comment, and feel free to leave any personal words of encouragement for either shape, or just vicious trash-talk if you’d prefer. But please do not send the Non-Review any sort of weapon to pass along to either shape. Aside from that probably being against the rules, we’d have to get off the couch to so, and we only do that for emergencies. (Like when we need more ice.) We apologize for any inconvenience.


  1. I am going with circle. It is the shape of all that is good and necessary.

  2. Ya see that chocolate dougnut? Huh? Is there any doubt?

  3. Joe's got a good point, but circles have no points. Brownies are better than donuts.
    I vote SQUARE.

  4. This is really tough. I think I'm going to have to go with circle though, because it is the shape of most things that really matter, like...

    -wedding rings
    -my papasan chair
    -the sun
    -the wheel of cheese in my fridge

    Good luck to both contenders! :)

  5. Circle. Not because I am Tuscan like Leonardo, just because TIME is spherical, history is spherical, the tummy of a pregnant woman is spherical. My heart is spherical...
    Mother Earth is spherical...

    Love & rainbow to your life

  6. mmmm...donuts. But then again, squares have sandwiches. I'm torn, but I gotta go with (Sorry Aunt Gert) circle!

  7. Well since I have won every round I have spent some time thinking about the Circle - Square cage match. It really is the least clear-cut of all the contested matches so far.

    They both have qualities that could tilt the scale either way. What could make the difference in the outcome?

    The NCAA basketball championship game was last night...it was a fantastic game and Butler came so close to biggest upset ever in this arena. The round ball and rim...the square backboard and floor...ahhhhhhhh give me a sign!

    No sign came. I flipped a coin. Circle it is!

  8. Pizza
    reese's p'nut butter cup

    It has to be circle

  9. I love Ian's comment 'circle gets the square.'

    With little thought I vote SQUARE soley on the fact that a tv screen, movie screen and computer screen are all squares. I love movies.

    If you get a package from me to square, don't open it.

  10. The Rubiks Cube throws a little weight to the square but I am going to stick with the eternal choice of circle.

  11. Square is the way to go!

    I heard that the circle kicks kittens and steals purses from old women....

    Oh, and circle voted for Taylor Hicks to beat Katherine McPhee on American Idol....

    Circle should be disqualified....

  12. Now that elipses are right out, I think I am going to have to go with the circle, for making my life so much easier.. Hypothetically..


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