Ms. Staytha Course
(Triceratops - Herbivore)
Hello, my name is Staytha Course and I’m here today to officially throw my hat into the 2012 campaign for President. Of course, I tend to rip holes in hats, so I don’t actually own one, but it’s just an expression so don’t take that as me lying. I know you people. You’ll twist my words around and manufacture a huge headwear controversy, sending people to my house demanding to see evidence of a hat, writing damaging articles with headlines about head lines, and smearing me with wild accusations and insults and threats and lawyers AND I’M NOT TAKING IT! SO JUST BACK OFF!
Alright, so, anyway, if elected I will improve America in some critically important ways, such as airplane seats. They’re too stinkin’ small, and I’m not paying for two, or in some cases three tickets, just so I can squeeze into a place that also has atrocious headroom—even if you’re not wearing a hat. I also plan to expand our current daycare laws, to include pre-birth children as well. You shouldn't be denied assistance just because your child hasn’t hatched yet. I’m here for you America! Lastly, I will be diligent in my efforts to legalize cloning. Thank you for your time this morning, and don’t forget to vote.