Friday, February 10, 2012

Journey 2 The Mysterious Island, The Vow, Safe house: 7 Word Weekend Review

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Safe House - I have no idea what it's about.

Star Wars Episode 1 The Phantom Menace 3D - Presumably, I'm supposed to care about now. 

The Vow - Must... Not... Fall... Asleep... Zzzz... *snort* Biscuits?

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - If you need me, I'll be crying.

So on Super Bowl Sunday I woke up sick and was all "what's worse than being sick for the Super Bowl?" After another three days of being down for the count I found out. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who saw the advertising for Journey 2 and thought, Nooo... They wouldn't be taking a Jules Verne novel that was a sequel to 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea and calling it a sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth. No studio, no matter how sketchy its ethics couldn't possibly stoop that low. Also just for fun I'm going to keep this thought tangent going to run up the length of italics when I finally write it down. I wonder what's on DIY? Oooh, Renovation Realities! Please, please tell me I'm not alone in this madness. On behalf of Jules Verne, I give a great big raspberry.



We interrupt this blog post to bring you a breaking story!

Okay not really. After being without internet for a couple weeks and getting it back up again, I once again had it go down for about a day. Good thing it didn't happen while I was, oh I don't know, writing this post. Point is, it's late, and the train of thought I was on at the time left me at the way station while I was picking up a book of riddles to try on Blaine when I re-boarded (see what I've been reduced to? Stephen King references who knows how many will get). 

So let's do this quick than shall we? I really have no idea what Safe House is about. Well, logically it stands to reason that it's about a safe house of some sorts. A weird thing happens to me whenever an ad for it comes on or I read about it. I completely zone out. I think I might even hear buzzing. You know, like that sound you hear sometimes that's high pitched and is actually in your ear drum dying?* Yeah, like that. Maybe it's the greatest movie in the world, but I'll never know because it's going to fade from my memorey quickly. In fact, I think it might already be gone. What's gone? Exactly.

Star Wars... Skip it. I figure I'm due to write an essay on the subject. I've got some points that should really upset fanboys. Not that any fanboys read this blog, so I should be alright.

And finally, The Vow. I really like Rachel McAdams (I'm still convinced I remember her from a McDonalds she used to work at. Canada'd. (on a side note, and yes this is a parentheses within a parentheses, like Inception, only no squinting Leo DiCaprio (buy glasses already! Hey, third level...), Spell Check didn't tell me that Canada'd was wrong, so I guess I can use it safely) Boom.) but why do all her movies look like they have no life to them? Seriously, I've enjoyed some films I thought I'd hate because the advertising made them look as appealing as watching paint watch you dry after you've stepped in it. So while I may one day end up giving it a shot, my first inclination once again is to say Yawn.

One day, that last paragraph will be framed and hanging in every English professor's class. Most likely with a note underneath that says 'don't do this in my class, or I'll kill you.'

Grim fellas them English profs. 

Have a great weekend everyone.

*Fun Fact of the Day! 


  1. Funny, funny post. Thanks for the laugh. I am a Star Wars fan and I follow. No problem.

  2. What's funny is Journey 2 is actually getting good reviews. Like, really?
    And go ahead and attack The Phantom Menace. Let the carnage begin!

  3. Out of the group, the one that really appeals to me is Safe House. Evil Denzel, is my favorite Denzel...
    thanks for the non-reviews! Have a good weekend!


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