Friday, October 19, 2012

Paranormal Activity 4, Alex Cross: 7 Word Weekend

New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each

Paranormal Activity 4 - Doesn't the paranormal ever relax, watch TV?

Alex Cross - I'm just waiting for Madea to show.

Psst! Hey guys, I'm casting for a new Alex Cross movie. The role was formerly played by Morgan Freeman in two okay thrillers. Who should I cast in his place? Bzzz bzzz bzzz... After careful consideration we have decided on Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry? Isn't he that guy that had that one okay comedy and then remade the same film over like a dozen times? Yeah, yeah, that's the guy. He's perfect for the role! Why that's genius. Best casting move since cereal was cast into the role of my mouth this morning. Kisses.

Okay, so whether or not Tyler Perry actually makes a good action star (my money's on no), I'd still like to think the casting decision went down that way.

Guys, guys, guys... If you want the Paranormal Activity to stop, just turn off the damn cameras. It should be abundantly clear by now that these ghosts/demons/spirits/poltergeists are just attention whores. They love playing up to the camera cause they know they'll have an audience. If you value your family members lives, than do the right thing, and turn off the video. Trust me, the spirits will get bored, pack it in, and go find some other horror franchise to bother. 

'Tis the season for horror yes? When are the powers that be going to give the people what we truly want? A TV series of the 1954 classic Them! What's, that you say, you've never heard of Them!? It's the classic tale of giant ants that have grown due to nuclear testing. These giant ants begin trying to colonize in different parts of the country. Now admit it, deep in your heart, you'd love to follow a weekly campaign, the humans against the ants. It'd be epic, last half a season before low ratings would cause it to fold. From there a fanatic fan base would make it live again on SyFy for a whole season and a half, before it too shuttled it off to the afterlife. But for years afterwards, think of how all us fans would get to bitch about the show not being given a fair chance.

Also it should star Nathan Fillion. Just saying.

What are your plans this weekend? Going to give one of the new films a try?


  1. Knew there was a reason I hadn't planned on going to the movies this weekend. And I'd watch anything with Fillion in it.

  2. Can't believe they keep cranking out these Paranormal Activity movies. Tyler Perry? Ugh.

  3. They need Tyler Perry's Paranormal Activity

  4. Them....Nathan Fillion......I'm in! Tyler Perry.....Alex Cross....???? what the heck?

  5. I think I'd rather watch the action movie than Paranormal Activity. .... Or maybe the one about ants.

  6. I might see Alex Cross...will see about Tyler Perry, I would have with Denzel as he is more in Freeman's league.

  7. Alex Cross and the new Paranormal look like they've got FAIL written all over them. I saw Argo instead this weekend.

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