Friday, January 25, 2013

Weekend Movie Discussion: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Movie 43, Parker

"What's that you say, you like movies? Well, then you've come to the right place." ~ Jack Warner

Okay, I made that quote up, but you can't tell me 100% that he never said that.

This is going to be an interesting weekend. 3 Movies, each with their own particular gravitas positives Fritos possibilities and baggage. Let's start with Movie 43 which features everyone under the sun in it. Seriously, there's so many random names in it, they probably started pulling people off the street to throw in it -heck, I might be in it. Aside from star studded, it'll be wrapped around 12 story lines that intertwine someway or another. On the negative side, the ads haven't looked particularly great. But with 12 directors and a handful of screenwriters chances are it'll be a hit and miss feature. With some good, and some (probably a lot) bad. Seems a good one to check out whenever it hits redbox. Most likely in a month.

Next up, Hansel und Gretel: Witch Hunters, which just seems completely left field of what the world wanted. I suppose the idea is to capitalize on the fairy tale trend that's been popular as of late. Frankly I'd rather have Grimm the movie, but that's me. Now I suppose it could be the type of film that's self aware of it being bad, though I somehow doubt it. I'm just trying to figure where it'll fit on a scale of Van Helsing to The Brothers Grimm. Not that the latter was a good movie, just that it was that much better than the former. 

You know what? This is probably infinitely better then the movie will be:

Finally we have Parker, which on the surface may seem like another generic Jason Statham film. But for me that's the point. I understand why Statham has done all those generic films. It's becuase they were always meant to be Parker. It's the character he really is made for. For those who don't know, Parker is a character created by Richard Stark (Donald E. Westlake's dark crime pseudonym). The character has appeared in in different incarnations in film before. There's the often heralded (though I found boring) Point Blank, starring Lee Marvin. Then there was the sort of remake, Payback, starring Mel Gibson. Statham however is born to this role. It's pulp violence at it's finest. Whether or not the film can deliver on the source material... Well that's neither here nor there. You can only get the two parties to a chapel, you can't make them wed.

So how about you, what are your plans this weekend? Going to visit a witch in a forest? Remember to take plenty of bread crumbs.


  1. I'll probably give Hansel and Gretel a shot. I reminds me a lot of Van Helsing, which I really enjoyed.

    I'll go in with fingers crossed, though :)

    1. It could be fun, if for no other reason than Jeremy Renner.

  2. Movie 43 has no reviews, but the other two are tanking on Rotten Tomatoes. Hansel and Gretel are at seven percent. Ouch! No football this weekend. Maybe I'll just go see the The Hobbit again.

    1. The problem with rotten tomatoes is that it's mob rule. Plenty of films that were great, are hated on because it was popular to hate on it. John Carter, which I thought was pretty good for instance, has a poor 51%. I'm not arguing they'll be bad. I'm just saying they have the potential to also be fun.

  3. The Hansel and Gretel movie will be a steaming pile of poopy poop. The Bugs Bunny cartoon will definitely be better. But Bugs Bunny is amazing so I'm not sure the comparison is even fair.

    I love Jason Statham movies. He plays a badass badass and I don't mind watching him in countless versions of the same movie.

    I agree with your take on Rotten Tomatoes. I like to see what IMDB says. If a movie is over 6.5, I'll consider watching it. Any lower and I have to REALLY have wanted to see it in the first place.

    1. Really though is it fair of me to compare Bugs to any film? He's just that good.

  4. I read someone compared Hansel and Gretel to Van Helsing. That's enough to keep me away.

  5. I'll watch H&G at home just for the action and I like Jeremy Renner. Parker is for sure...anything Statham has done I watch.

  6. Huh, well I at least know somewhat why so many big names are in movie 43 ... The previews make it look like a "Not another scary movie", terrible, written in one weekend by guys channeling their inner teenagers kind of flick ... So maybe it's more than that.

    Anywho, I'll wait for the inevitable 24 hours of Statham movie marathon on TNT to catch this one. I'm sure it'll be fun action.

  7. I'm pretty sure I'll like Parker, but I will watch Hansel and Gretel when I can watch it for free (or close to free). Free for me means, one of my daughters and her husband see everything and then buy the DVD later...

  8. I've read that Movie 43 is getting reviews as the worst movie EVER! So I will probably skip that one. I would love to see H&G with Renner because that is the sort of crap I like to watch! lol But no movies out for me - 5 sick kids at home means I will be watching my movies on my TV.

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