Monday, June 17, 2013

Letters To Superheroes: Issue #3 Dear Professor X

Dear Professor Charles Xavier,

As I have once again been turned down for acceptance into your school for the gifted, I decided to write you personally to see if you might change your mind. I have been led to understand that your school is for those who are referred to as 'mutants'. I know this because a good friend of mine attends the school (His name is Robert and he can pull all the moisture out of the air). As a mutant myself, I'm hoping to get into a school where I won't be made fun of by the other kids.

I'm sure you're wondering about my mutation. It's called "aniridia" and involves the PAX6 gene. Basically it means that I have no irises. I look like I have one solid color in my eyes with nothing breaking it up. Kids have made fun of me, calling me various different cartoon character names. Some of the less imaginative kids have just stuck to calling me "cartoon eyes" or "blue eyes". I don't actually mind the last one so much as my eyes are in fact blue. It is unclear to me if they realize that it's not really an insult.

In addition to my mutation I also have above average grades. "B" average to be exact. I'm also really good at making scrambled eggs and sandwiches. I include this because my friend has mentioned you like to develop skill sets at the academy. He also mentioned that you have a special device for peering into people's minds around the world and finding mutants. I've thought once or twice I felt like someone was looking through my head, before deciding to move on. I'm sure if it was you, that there was just some mistake in your skipping over me.

Please see this letter as urgent, as I have just about finished my summer vacation and will be starting the 6th grade next month. So you can get an idea of what I've been dealing with, I've enclosed a picture one of my classmates drew last year.

Look forward to hearing from you and joining the academy.

Thomas Jeffries


  1. Let him in and give that kid a skillet!

  2. I agree with Alex! How could you not let him him?

  3. LOL another funny letter. It's interesting that there was a character in the 80s DP7 comics that pulled moisture out of the air named "Sponge." It was a thinly veiled joke on a woman's tendency for water retention.

  4. "Cartoon Eyes!" That's a classic!


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