Thursday, March 27, 2014

Review: Noah - As Reviewed By Noah

Yep, that's pretty much how it happened.

No really. I mean sure there were some differences. A few creative liberties taken. For instance, my son Ham and his wife? Not good people. Why do you think I cursed the little s*** after the flood receded? Technically I cursed his lineage, but let's not split heirs here. D'you see what I did there? Haha, I made a funny. That's another thing that wasn't properly represented in the film, my sense of humor.

As a matter of fact I toured the circuit, circa antediluvian times. A comedian by trade, my shows were flooded by people from all over the civilized world. Flooded I tell ya! They used to have to line them up for miles to get in. Two by two they'd enter.  It was practically wading room only. Ha-cha-cha.

But I digress, you want to know about the movie. Okay, so they got the whole reasoning about the flood wrong. That whole thing in the bible about me being perfect in my generations... yeah, that's to do with the fallen angels, genetics, and blah blah blah... Snore(kel)fest, am I right?

Who wants to hear about my comeback tour? I'm thinking of getting an act together with Samson. Did you know Samson was the funniest guy in the bible? I tell ya', that guy's final act brought the house down. I say he brought the house down. Slayed them. Shame he couldn't repeat performance, but you know what they say: Hair today, gone tomorrow! Ha-cha-cha-cha.

Seriously though people, the movie isn't the most accurate, I'll admit that, but I've seen worse. Heck I've seen worse put out by Christians. However, one thing it did right, is getting a guy who looks just like me. Honestly, it's like looking into a mirror. A mirror that's a 100 lbs lighter and and a few hundred years younger. Can I get an amen, and a cheeseburger?

In closing, you've been great. Hope to see you all at my next show. Oh, and that's not a picture of me you've got up. That's Moses.

Mic drop


  1. How did Noah know what picture you were going to use? Dude's got some powers, y'know, besides the punishingly funny power of puns.

  2. It was the picture at the "press junket" naturally.

  3. I didn't know that Noah was an Aussie.
    And that he was Superman's dad.

  4. Yeah, they took a lot of creative liberties on this one. A girl at work said she wouldn't see it if it's not an action movie. So, we'll see how it does.

  5. I love that people are saying it isn't accurate. I guess they were on the boat...


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