New Movie Releases Reviewed in 7 Words Each
The Hundred-Foot Journey - The sequel to the Ninety-Nine Foot Journey.
Into The Storm - It's like Twister but for crack addicts.
Step Up All In - Like Step Up but for crack addicts.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Could see Guardians again. I'm just sayin'...
I thought about posting last week, but when it came to discussion, I kept stopping at 'just go see Guardians of the Galaxy', which seemed unnecessary. When looking at this week's releases, I'm inclined to say the same thing again.
The Hundred-Foot Journey doesn't sound bad, it just doesn't sound like a theatrical release. Aside from it starring Helen Mirren it looks like it should be a Sunday night Hallmark special. I'll probably give it a watch one day when it's late and I'm hitting the redbox because it's there to listen to my problems even after Ben & Jerry have desserted me. That's not a misspelling of deserted by the way, it's just an awful, awful pun that a better man would feel ashamed of having written.
Why the same joke for Into The Storm and Step Up All In? Well, it could be that I'm lazy, which is actually a given, but in this instance it's because I've decided they're both the same movie. Both are written by John Swetnam who hasn't really written much else, but suddenly has two films on the same weekend. I've never been into the Step Up franchise, but I do like storm movies -terrible as they usually are. Still I might just be up for a film about a dance off between humans and a tornado. Spoiler: I'll be rooting for the tornado.
Finally we have the heroes in a half shell. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was a reboot I could have lived without. I've tried to stay optimistic about it, but it's looked worse and worse. Reviews have been forthcoming, and those have been pretty terrible. Still, it is meant for kids, and kids love garbage. Much in the same way that I can look at a lot of what I loved as a child and see now just how bad it truly is. That's part of what makes childhood so special; most of the time you had the wisdom and taste of a drunken college kid.
But hey, Guardians of the Galaxy is out, and that's an excellent film. what's a 2nd or 3rd viewing between friends?
What do you think of this week's releases?